Dear Officer Clamfinger,
RoboCop did in fact have a fully operational phallus. I know this because I was a consultant on the prosthesis they used in the film (although it was never shown in the final cut, which is a real shame, because it was truly a magnificent example of art and robotics). While OCP cut his remaining organic limbs off, they decided to keep his penis intact because it was, as Bob Morton called it in a deleted scene, a “true hog.” Unfortunately, though he was more machine than man, he was not a sex machine, and poor Officer Murphy could not achieve even the slightest hint of an erection. This was evidenced in another deleted scene where RoboCop and Officer Lewis are hiding out in an abandoned factory and she’s laying next to him naked and reassuring him that it happens to all RoboCops.
Your picture pal,
Professor Popcorn
Dear Sharon,
Excellent question. It’s very complicated, but I’ll try to use layman’s terms the best I can in my explanation. RoboCop’s digestive system was basically intact, but his anus could not be salvaged in the operation, so OCP had to re-route his fecal waste to come out of his still-organic penis, which he would defecate out of three times a day so his circuitry could operate at peak efficiency. Perhaps this contributed to or was even directly responsible for his erectile dysfunction. A scene of RoboCop “obeying his #2 directive” was filmed, but the scene was cut, even though the penis prosthesis on which I consulted performed this function perfectly. However, part of that scene did end up being used for the scene where RoboCop has a bad dream.
Your picture pal,
Professor Popcorn
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
Eww, I’m actually glad his penis couldn’t be called upon to provide the boom boom Officer Lewis was looking for. That would have been a very unhappy ending!
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Oh Smash, you need to come out of your shell and accept the world of robowieners.
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lol, roboweiners seemed like a good idea. Until the prototype started shitting all over the place…
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As a man I’m scared to death that the robowieners will make us obsolete.
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Professor Popcorn? Did RoboCop actually live in Detroit? If so, did he know Eminem?
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No but he was really close with Thomas “Hitman” Hearns and was even the officiant at his Hearns’s third wedding.
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Dear Professor Popcorn,
This is one heckuva a great post! Nicely done.
Eric
P.S. How did you know The Bloggers Cut is going to post a “Dialogue” about Robocop and peeing tomorrow morning??? People will think we’re in cahoots.
Love,
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Haha! Very nicely done Brian. This was a genuine hoot. 🙂
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Thank you sir!
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Just so you know, that Bloggers Cut site ripped you off. I’d go straight to your president, thieving bastards that Chris & Eric duo 🙂
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Oh, my attorney and I are WELL aware of the situation. For legal reasons, I can’t talk about it in an open forum like this. You’ll be able to read all about it in the papers in the coming weeks.
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Are we sure it’s not Robocop who has these problems, but Peter Weller instead?
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