Schlocktoberfest II – Day 12: Mom

Mom (1991)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: This movie has to be pretty frightening. I mean, we all grew up believing that our mother was a hideous, flesh-eating monster, right?… Right?… Just me? OK…

We start off with a budding mom, Jenny, getting dropped off at the worlds crappiest bus station with the old man who gave her a lift telling her she’s just like her mom. I thought this might have some kind of meaning, but it doesn’t. It’s Christmas and she’s headed to LA. She’s trying to make small talk with Brion James (who was probably cast because he lives at that bus station) but he drags her off. He turns into a monster kind of like a werewolf but not really and attacks her pregnant belly, which is where all the nutrients hide.

Google “Jocelyn Wildenstein”

Apparently Brion James monster has attacked a few pregnant women in the area. We all have our hobbies.

Let’s meet mom! It’s Christmas, and Mom’s son, Clay, tells her that he and his wife are going to have a baby. That’s just what these monsters like!

After Christmas the Brion James monster, Nestor, rents a room at Mom’s house. Mom tries to feed Nestor a little pot roast and he doesn’t want any part of it because he’s a humanfleshatarian. She accidentally knocks his sunglasses off and sees his monster eyes. So of course, he chomps her good, but it’s a light chomp so she’ll turn into a night ghoul as well.

Nestor kills a random meter reader dude for breakfast the next day. Clay pops by and Nestor seems super nice. Mom is laid up turning into a monster and all and doesn’t want to be a bother. Fortunately, Nestor helped her by giving her a bite to eat… of meter man meat!

Because health care costs and arm and a leg! (not pictured: leg)

Mom and Nestor go out to eat more sweet meat treats but Clay follows them. They find a homeless and take him out to eat before they chomp him. Clay follows them all down an alley and spots them eating the guy, who probably doesn’t taste all that great when you think about it. I would probably go after some drunk college girl doing the walk of shame in the middle of the night.

“This homeless guy tastes like piss.”

Clay picks her up in his van and he’s not too happy that his mom just ate a guy. Understandable.

When they get home, Clay tries to call the fuzz but Nestor stops him. He’s going to kill Clay but mom jumps on his back and Clay sets him on fire via the stove and throws a convenient can of grease on him so he goes up like Kelly’s dad or Cropsy. This turns him into ashes immediately. I guess Mom’s out rental income.

Clay locks Mom in her room and intends to take care of her the best he can, but her hunger for the flesh is too strong. He tries to feed her a normal dinner but just looking at it makes her sick, kind of like when you watch Ghoulies. (That’s my 47th Ghoulies reference this month. SO FAR…)

Mom escapes the house to find some flesh. She attacks another homeless, but he’s an undercover cop! She chases him up to the roof of a building and he shoots her in the hand and head but it doesn’t do jack. Then she spooks him so badly that he falls off the roof, just like how my Uncle Gary went.

Now Clay has to put bars on Mom’s bedroom window and she’s wearing one glove like Michael Jackson to hide the bullet wound. The window guys accidentally unearth part of the body of the meter reader, and Clay is not too happy about the discovery. Clay is not too happy about anything in this movie.

Mom’s wounds heal up. A Girl Scout comes by and you think Mom kills her but it was the bulldog who bit her. Then Alice comes over, and you can tell that Mom really wants to eat that baby.

Apparently Mom kills the family doctor who comes over to check on her. They keep calling him Stony. Who the hell is he? Everyone acts like the audience should know who he is.

Mom suggests Clay go out and get meat for her. Clay goes to a bar to drown his sorrows with the world’s most unattractive hooker in the state. He decides to bring her back to Mom to be eaten when she spits tequila in his mouth, which could be considered an act of terrorism. Of course, in this movie of perfect timing, Alice drives by at the precise moment Clay brings the hooker to Mom’s door, and she’s not too happy about it.

Unless that tequila bottle is full of rattlesnake venom you’re never going to be able to drink enough to forget this hooker, Clay.

Clay is going to pay the hooker $25 (righteous bucks) to go up to Mom’s room and pretend she’s Mom’s estranged daughter, Carla. Which is just a cover story for the eating. But Clay’s conscience gets the better of him and he stops her.

But while waiting for a cab, Clay falls asleep and the hooker goes up to Mom’s room anyway to try to be nice and gets eaten for her trouble. It just doesn’t pay to help people.

Hooker? It killed her!

Mom steals the hooker’s colored contacts so she can appear more normal and convinces Clay that she’s all better now. However, the hooker’s body is discovered and Clay is not too happy about it.

Alice kicks Clay out of their place because she’s not too happy about the whole taking an ugly hooker into his mother’s house thing. Clay goes to Mom’s house to cry in her lap and get drunk on peach schnapps. On his way to the kitchen he finds garbage bags full of his mutilated sister. Mom has sort of crossed the line this time. Clay burns up his sister’s remains in the fire pit out back and throws the ashes into the sea the next day, and you can tell he’s not too happy about any of it.

The cops find the dead hooker and they come looking for Clay to ask questions. The cops and Alice find Mom tied up on the bed. Mom Hulks out and goes after Alice’s tummy.

“WHY DON’T YOU CALL ME MORE OFTEN???!!!”

She tosses Clay out the window. He falls and she’s sad. Then after coming downstairs with blood all over her she blows herself up in the kitchen. Turns out she ate the tummy of one of the cops instead. Then the movie just sort of ends with Clay and Alice crying. Kind of weird that there’s no epilogue.

If I had a nickle for every time a Thanksgiving ended like this…

Is It Actually Scary: Sigmund Freud might say it’s terrifying, but it’s more of a black comedy than a horror film.

Scariest Moment: As you’re watching you may realize that you forgot your mom’s birthday.

And they are REALLY not too happy about that.

How Much Gore: A motherload! Lots of blood, severed limbs and chewed flesh.

Dumbest Moment: Nestor is a very powerful creature of the night. Why the hell is he renting a room at an old woman’s house? Shouldn’t he be in a spooky fortress somewhere?

Any Nudity: A 15-minute scene of Mom taking a bath, and you see EVERYTHING… Haha! Just kidding!! It’s actually a shower and Brion James is in there with her.

Overall: A pretty fun little picture. I’d never even heard of it before I saw it pop up on Netflix Instant. It’s not a classic by any means, but I was fairly pleasantly surprised. I think it would have been much, much more effective in the hands of a better director. There’s almost nothing interesting going on with the shots in this, so it’s very bland, and not quite as fun and schlocky as it could have been, which I’m not too happy about. But I suggest you watch it with your own mother, then check her fridge for flesh.

Score: 6.5 Brion James balding ponytail hairstyles (out of 10)

3 thoughts on “Schlocktoberfest II – Day 12: Mom

  1. Pingback: Schlocktoberfest II: Recap of Terror! | Hard Ticket to Home Video

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