When Evil Lurks (2023)

Country of Origin: Argentina

 

 

 

 

 

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Argentinians run afoul of gross demons.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• I can confirm that this film is from Argentina because it mentions it in the opening logos about 16 times.
• Whose dumbass idea was it to try to take notes on a bunch of movies with subtitles, anyway?
• Two vaqueros hear a noise in the middle of the night and go outside to investigate, and they find nothing! So now it’s the next day. Thrills!
• Now they find a severed hand and a half-eaten body. Now we’re talking.
• I have a feeling that these notes are going to be as sparse of as the sexual activity of an old man in a coma.
• So these two are trying to find a guy who is either going around executing or exorcising people in the village. Or maybe both.
• Well this goo-bag in the bed hasn’t been exorcised or exercised.
• Is this post-apocalyptic? Maybe not, it was made before late 2024.
• So there are “cleaners” who help the rotten possessed people, and these two brothers (Pedro and Jimi), and some cops, and a guy named Ruiz… I don’t know, I’m a little confused. And the movie isn’t making a lot of sense to me either.
• They’re trying to move this possessed blob a couple hours away because he’s smelling up the town. I can’t really say this is all that interesting. Hopefully it picks up. Like picking up this disgusting pustule in his bed sheets.

• Hahahaha they just reenacted the scene from Airplane! where the almost run over a kid on his bike and he yells “Ass-HOLE!”

• Ok I don’t know a ton of Argentinianese but I do know that “Puta madre!” does not mean “Damn it!” as the subtitles claim.
• Somehow they lost the demon blob out of their truck. These guys are just a bunch of boobs.
• This pregnant woman is almost as rotund as the possessed blob. What is she pregnant with 666 babies?
• I love that Ruiz just said “Leave, fucker” to a goat.
• Then he shoots the seemingly possessed goat in the head against his wife’s wishes because it might bring a cure on them, then she immediately puts and axe in his face! NOW we’re talking. It took 27 minutes but you have my attention.
• Then she axes her own face! This is phenomenal!

• These two brothers are haggard as hell. One can only assume that they’re also in a sexual relationship.
• The blob’s brother tells the brothers his mom disappeared, then they ask him where she is. Puta madre I just puta told you she disappeared.
• Shadows of electric lights call in the evil. Good thing I haven’t paid my electric bill in decades.
• Pedro goes to get his ex-wife and kids and chunky dog and his ex-wife’s new house beef to safety. I am unsure why he had to burn his clothes, but I assume it was just a little something for the ladies.
• I could do without this family drama part, who gives a goat’s fat ass?
• Ok well then the dog CHOMPS HIS DAUGHTER’S FACE come on lets keep that shit up.

• Holy gods this is brutal not a moment too soon.
• Now Pedro’s oldest son Jair is rotten. Not just because he’s a teenager, because he’s possessed, but mostly because he’s a teenager.
• Well now I’m not sure if Jair is possessed or special needs. Hopefully it’s the latter and he saves everyone.
• I guess the girl who got chomped was the new husband Leo’s kid and not Pedro.
• I must have completely missed the full explanation what it’s not ok to shoot demons. Oh well. Leo finds the dog and shoots him and the daughter’s ok but I THINK NOT.
• Ok yeah Jair is special needs. You got this, buddy. Show those demons who’s the coolest.
• HA! So Leo comes home and mows down the ex-wife. No, not oral sex, he ran her over with the truck.
• Now this is a road trip movie with Pedro, his two sons, his brother, and his mom, who is also his brother’s mom.
• I’m not entirely sure why Pedro is entertaining this phone call from his dead demon wife.
• Now we’ve slowed down to a screeching halt again, but the good news is that means something awesome is about to happen.
• Any minute now…
• Right on cue, here’s the ex-wife, Sabrina.
• So now that I’ve been watching this movie for 5 hours I get what’s going on, if you kill a demon you then become a demon. Why don’t they just leave these poor demons alone?
• So Pedro couldn’t get into the car that Jair has been in because the doors were locked, so he smashed out a window, then his Jimi comes along and opens every door in the car and then some.
• So there is a demon in Jair but because he’s awesome it doesn’t know what to do inside his head. You gotta get outta here, demon.
• Oh so it’s all because they moved the rotten blob earlier. Now I get it… no, wait, I don’t. Shit.

• Ok they find Sabrina and she’s scooping out her son’s brains like they’re delicious rum raisin ice cream with wet walnuts. This movie keeps surprising me in the best ways possible.
• See Jair’s ok now ohhhh no, wait…
• Night school? Demon GEDs? Guaranteed Evil Demon?
• We’re back in Boring Town, USA (Uninteresting Slog of Argentina).
• At least Pedro beat up a little girl, who may or may not have been a demon. It’s not enough.
• So I don’t know, there’s a demon lore lady with Pedro at a school and they found a bunch of nutty kids and some passed out adults with powder on them. Whatever.
• Oh the rotten blob is there.
• Pedro just might be a nimrod.
• The kids kill the lore lady. Can this go somewhere?
• Pedro caves in the rotten blob’s skull and out comes a naked young boy covered in blood. I guess the real demon was inside us all along.
• Then they go home. The boy from the beginning of the movie had like, killed and eaten the cleaner guy. And Jair ate his grandmother. I don’t know what’s going on, once more. Goodnight.

Final Thoughts: This is a mixed bag because it’s kind of confusing and there are stretches where it’s a bit dull but them BA-BAYUM something amazing happens and it’s the greatest thing ever. Maybe it’s not the movie’s fault and I’m just an impatient cranky old man. No, that can’t be it. It’s the Argentinians who are wrong.

How Argentine Is It?: Nothing really stands out except for all the goats. 15% Tariff

Score: 6.75 Hairballs (out of 10)