Prey (2007)

Country of Origin/Production: South Africa

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: A newly re-married engineer makes his kids and new wife accompany him to his work site in South Africa for a chance at bonding and trying to not run afoul of lions with a taste of human flesh.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Hard to not see the irony for a movie produced by the Weinstein Company and it’s called Prey.
• Peter Weller! Sweet! Buckaroo Banzai goes on Safari!
• When your film opens with documentary footage of a pack of lions attacking a Zebra while a few hyenas look on, you’re not fucking around.
• Tom Newman is Peter Weller’s name? So fucking generic for a great character actor.
• “Don’t bug pretty girls because they won’t pay attention to you later in life.” Yeah, listen to Officer Murphy!
• As Tom and his family drive with the guide, Mike, it’s a mini-safari with various African animals. The little boy, David, is enthralled. The daughter, Jessica, is your typical bitchy 14-year-old.
• Jessica is also a bitch to her new step-mother, Amy (Bridget Moynihan), Probably because she’s like 36 to Peter Weller’s 60.
• Ya know, she might have a point. Watching them make out in the hotel pool is also making me uncomfortable.
• Tom totally forgot his daughter is a vegetarian. That ol’ trope.
• Jess makes the joke that she especially wouldn’t eat members of the Lion King which makes Amy chuckle and Jess gets all offended that she laughed. Laughed…at her joke. Like I said bitch.
• Tom is trying to explain to Jess that he married Amy because he loves her and that he no longer loves his ex-wife the same way as married people do and it’s reminding me of another great Peter Weller flick, Shakedown!
• Did he just marry her a week ago or something? Jess hates her and doesn’t want to get to know her despite her dad pleading with her to try. It’s always great when divorced parents don’t give two hot shits if the kids like and respect their new spouses. Did Tom not read the signs that his daughter didn’t like his girlfriend before he proposed? 
• And to add insult to injury he plans an African vacation with all of them and asks his kids to try to get to know your new step-mother. 

• Next morning, they meet up with Brian the safari guide. Jess asks why they had to be up so early and Brian explains that it’s the best time to see the animal before the sun comes up. But this scene is bright and sunny already.
• Tom is here on business, so his kids and Amy are alone with Brian. Let’s see what hyjinx they get into out in the bush.
• Brian points out Crocodile River which is pretty dry at the moment but he states that once the rain fills it up it’s teeming with wildlife. David asks if there’s crocodiles like a stupid idiot.
• Off Off-Roading Brian? What could be more off road than driving in the middle of African bush? There wasn’t a road there to begin with!
• David tells Brian that he has “to go” as in bathroom and Brian stops, opens the door and spills out the rest off his coke so David could piss in it. David needs to go number TWO! For that one needs a Big Gulp!
• So into the bush they both go, but it’s OK because Brian has a rifle. 
• David is complaining about the lack of TP and gets annoyed when Brian suggests grass. But David’s going to be scared shitless in a moment after Brian hears low growls in the distance.
• I have the feeling that we’re not going to have to care about Brian much longer.
• Why is Jess yelling for David from inside the Range Rover for? He knows of the peril he’s facing and with an armed man. She’s only making this situation worse the dummy.
• The car horn only works if the car is on? Is that true?
• Even dumber Amy gets out of the car and starts yelling and gesturing. Which causes the lionesses to start charging them!
• The car door won’t open now?! What?! Oh never mind, now she was able to open it. That was especially dumb.
• Dumb-shit Brian falls while running and drops the rifle.
• David makes it back to the car safely but Brian…nope.
• Pretty good lion attacking scene. It’s not often you watch a flick with a man being mauled by a large cat right outside a vehicle while 2 kids and their step-mother watch in horror.

• Did they even drive an hour away on this trip? Jeez. Brian is one lousy tour guide. 1 and half stars.
• Is this going to be Cujo in Africa? Family trapped inside a vehicle surrounded by wild killer animals? Probably.
• Apparently Tom Newman is an engineer and working on a dam. Not sure how this relates to the plot but figured I’d let you all know.
• Did I call Jess a bitch? Well now she’s entering cunt stage as she tells Amy that she’s even stupider than Jess’ mom said she was. That must’ve cut deep.
• Of course there’s zero cell coverage right now.
• A male lion jumps on top of the vehicle and starts to break the glass due to its weight. This lion is a real jerk.
• They should just calm it down with a few pspspspspsps.
• Kudos to this flick for using real animals. No CGI pussycats in this flick!

• After a few minutes the male lion gets bored and just jumps off the car and walks away. I know the feeling.
• The idiot Brian took the keys with him when he escorted David to relieve himself. So now I’m assuming that their first plan is to try to find his half-eaten carcass to retrieve the keys.
• They only have half a bottle of water?! They are in scorching hot Africa on safari and they only brought, what, one measly Evian?! Great, another flick with nothing but Darwin’s finest.
• For fucks sake David! First you were thirsty and now you’re hungry?! Whiny little brat.
• Now they’re talking about eating pancakes and triple double-pounders (that’s what they said!) all while Brian’s steaming pile of rotting carcass is stewing in the hot African sun.
• Maybe they should pray.
• Hahahaha. It’s nighttime now and David asks if they [the lions] are still out there. Jess says she’ll check and as soon as she puts the headlights on, a male lion is right there in front of the Range Rover and growls immediately, scaring them all half to death.
• Tom is arguing with some lady of authority why they’re not out there looking for his family and she’s explaining that they have to wait until morning. Tom’s very frustrated but she tells him that that there’s someone who can help him and it’s not Batman! Or Shaft.
• No it’s definitely not Batman. This game hunter, Crawford ain’t helping either. Mostly due to the rain that’s coming.
• I bless the rains down in Africaaaaaaa.
• The kids in the car attempt to drink the rain water by slightly opening the doors and of course the big pussies are waiting for them.
• Now Tom is frustrated that he can’t go with the search party on the helicopter. Look Buckaroo, I know you want to find your family asap but fighting with everyone to help isn’t helping.
• In the morning light, David spots something shiny in the grass and surmises that its the car keys. Amy volunteers to run out there and get them. Cake walk I’m sure.
• Slowest. Lions. Ever.

• So Amy manages to snag the keys and make it back to the car and starts it. The most unbelievable aspect to this is she knows how to drive stick.
• Idiot drove so erratically and recklessly that they barely survived this hill and is stuck again in a ditch!
• Tom is still trying to convince Crawford to help him. He had someone drive him to Crawford’s house unannounced. Crawford tells him basically to fuck off and goes inside his house. Tom rudely barges in the house and a moment later Crawford has Tom in a headlock and throws him out again!
• Awesome. Now the Range Rover is leaking fluids as Amy tries to restart the car. Hakuna Matata.
• Both Jess and Amy are screaming at each other that Tom will never find them. It’s practically a back n’ forth of “He will find us!” and “no, he won’t find us!” It’s as riveting as it you think.
• So all it took for Tom to convince Crawford to help was him greasing his palms. And also rewarding him with some extra cash. Not sure why he wanted his palms greased up though. Probably something perverted I’m sure.
• At least this stuck-in-a-vehicle-horror-flick doesn’t have Danny Pintauro being all whiny. However, there’s virtually zero drama with the three in the car. And they have too much room in that Range Rover too. Dee Wallace and Pintauro were in a Pinto the size of a bathtub.
• Hahahah. Amy manages to soak up a little water on the dashboard with her tank top and then goes to wring the water into David’s mouth but the first attempt she hits his chin instead.
• All hope is dashed when the helicopter was approaching them but decided that the Range Rover couldn’t be that far and turned around. Jess, in desperation, runs out of the car to try to yell for them. Amy follows and tried to calm Jess down. Meanwhile a lioness is ready to pounce!

• And right before the lioness is about to strike Amy and Jess, it is shot. But it wasn’t Crawford. Or Batman! It was 2 native African hunters.
• And since they don’t speak English and keep smiling menacingly at the two ladies, Amy tells Jess to go back to the car and Amy is right behind her. She’s not even going to try to trust those black hunters I see.
• This is the second time the girls left David alone in the car. I’m willing to bet that he disobeys their command and follows them either now or the next time.
• They find a large puddle of water and Jess immediately starts drinking. The poacher starts cleaning the lion flesh & blood off his hands and knife. Kinda gross.
• Now she has the gall to ask for something to carry some water back to the car!
• He finds some kind of dried vegetable husk that looks like a huge butternut squash and gives it to her to fill with water. Hmm, maybe he’s not a bad poacher after all. 
• While she’s filling the husk with water, gunshots ring out and they both run back but now both Amy and David are gone! 
• Nope, they were just laying low in the car. But dumbass Amy popped up too quick, startled Jess and Jess dropped a water jug!
• The other poacher, it seems, has been murdered. Supposedly by a lion.
• Meanwhile, Crawford is smelling old lion droppings and trying to figure out what direction the lions are going. 
• Nice sunset with lion silhouette shot! Kudos!

• Well that was an odd scene. Tom and Crawford are eating some food by a fire and the scene starts immediately with Tom saying that he read in some wildlife magazine that it’s rare for lions to attack people and that they are more afraid of humans than we are of them and Crawford says “Bullshit. A hungry lion will eat anything.” And he just walks off frame and the scene ends.
• In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
• In the middle of the night, Jess wakes up Amy and asks her how she met her dad. Mail order I’m guessing.
• Hahahaha. Amy starts by saying that she was on a plane but then Jess interrupts and asks: Mile-high club?
• So what did you two talk about on the plane? “Just things. His life. My life. Things.” This is top-notch clever screenwriting folks.
• In the midst of their riveting conversation, the young poacher from earlier pounds on the door of the car. I wonder what he wants?
• Within seconds of him getting in the Range Rover, a male lion jumps up, crashes through the windshield and starts to maul the poacher dude. The other three just scream in terror and watch as the lion pulls the guy out of the car and continues to slaughter him.
• Jess: “I don’t want to die here.” Amy: “I won’t let you die here.” Oh yeah? You’re doing a bang-up job so far step-mom.
• Cool shot of hyenas picking the scraps off the dead poacher.
• David took inventory and found a zippo lighter and somehow this is a huge scandal that someone owns a zippo lighter. It’s Amy’s who sometimes has a smoke here and there. Sue her!
• So it’s implied that Crawford and Newman are pretty much on one side of a ridge and the Range Rover is on the other side and they think they heard a vehicle that approached. So now they must make the decision to go over the ridge and call for them.
• Hey, it worked! Amy yells for help and down come Tom and Crawford. But the music is getting more ominous so someone’s becoming kitty kibble any second now.
• “Dad! Watch out for the lion!” “The what?!”
• It’s possible that I’ll see another gory display of Peter Weller getting torn apart. In a film I mean. 
• Crawford manages to shoot the beast before Tom gets ripped to shreds but the male lion is now super duper pissed off.
• That’s a ton of CGI blood.

• Why can’t they open the fucking car door?!?! This happened earlier but I’m pretty sure it was another door on the other side. Just so lame an excuse to build tension. It’s tiresome.
• Plus, what about the other 3 entrances to the fucking car?!
• Anyway, Tom rolls under the car to avoid being catnip for the male lion.
• Even I’m baffled at Amy’s plan to somehow gain access to the gas tank from inside the car and have David get the zippo ready. Is she planning on shielding themselves from the lion by engulfing themselves in flames?!
• So she tells the kids that on her say-so to run out of the car and towards a tree and to climb it. She then yells down to Tom to run on her command towards the tree as well. Tom doesn’t ask what she’s planning and if I was in his shoes I would totally ask especially is she’s planning on nuking the car!
• So Amy distracts and lures the lion to the back tailgate and it hops in the car as the kids and Tom run away. Amy lures it deeper into the Range Rover and then throws the zippo on the gasoline soaked rag and Ka-BLAMS! BBQ Pussy Cat!
• Tom and the kids think that Amy didn’t make it out in time though so I have to watch unnecessary grief for a quick moment before she stumbles over to them.
• Man, Peter Weller did jack-fucking-squat in this flick. I was sure that once Crawford died and he reached his kids and wife that he would at least contribute to defeating the lion but nope, he did absolutely nothing.
• And so kids, what’s the moral of the story? Tell ’em Dr. Banzai:

Final Thoughts: Pretty much just Cujo in Africa. Some great shots here and there and the use of real lions and other wildlife gives it more heft but sadly a very bland thriller. Professor Weller was criminally underused. Jason Alexander could’ve played the same role and it wouldn’t have been any different. Hey, if you love safari animals and stuff like that, then this little horror flick is right up your alley (cat), otherwise, this is a rather mediocre flick.

How South African 🇿🇦 is it: Set completely in South Africa. Filmed in South Africa. Safari with lions, giraffes, hyenas, etc. Some South African actors. South African director. Tariff rate: 100%

Score: 4 Big Pussies (out of 10)