Schlocktoberfest XV – Day 21: The Comeback

The Comeback (1978)

Country of Origin/Production: United Kingdom

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: A very popular musician records his hotly-awaited new album in a haunted house with a mad killer on the loose, and no one gives a shit. Thus making you question the definition of fame.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

If this rooftop POV is a suicide, this is gonna be a quick movie.
A woman in a fur coat is looking for a guy named Harry.
That’s all I can tell ya so far.
The woman looking for Harry is played by Holly Palance (yes, Jack’s daughter) and if she looks familiar to you – picture her on a ledge with a noose around her neck screaming, “It’s all for you Damien!”
Yeah, she was the nanny who killed herself for the lil’ Devil darling in “The Omen”.
I hope Harry isn’t bleeding or clutching his chest somewhere ‘cause this bitch is taking her sweet time.
Thanks to this ear-shattering phone call from Mr. Backstory, we learn that the woman is Nick’s recent ex-wife and that she knows nothing about his new album that’s about to drop.
Looks like Nick’s ex-wife is about to get sickl’d to death by someone in lace gloves who shakes like a fucking paint mixer.
Gail, her name’s Gail. Easier than typing ex-wife all the time.
Holy shitstorm! Molly got hacked to fucking pieces by a killer in an old hag costume and mask. This was obviously ripped off five years later in the masterpiece that is Curtains.
Charlie’s Angels’ Bosley is in this. Always a raspy-voiced treat for us Gen X’ers.
Nick literally hasn’t had a hit since I was born, so he better write his Sergeant Pepper in this isolated estate.
Nick’s got almost the same model of Lotus Espirit as Roger Moore’s from the previous year’s Bond offering.
Mr. B’s hospitality is as warm as the weather. Thanks Mr. Freeman.
Why did we cut to a shot of Gail’s still dead body?
When Nick asked Mrs. B. if she had kids, she should have said, “Living?”
She promises that Nick will enjoy his stay.
I’m gonna really wish Paul Williams wrote Nick’s music aren’t I?
Frau Blucher wasn’t this obviously creepy.
That’s not in his head right? We can hear Gail’s voice too.
Nick has a vision of Gail and the poor actress couldn’t stop blinking with the blood makeup all over her face.
No take twos in B horror Ms. Palance, your Dad out front should have told ya.
3AM and all’s well. Kinda slowed down in pace a bit here.
Nick’s new tune sounds like The Carpenters mixed with Bob Goulet with lyrics by Paul Anka.
Bosley did not like Gail at all it is revealed.
Bosley blames the noises Nick hears on cats fucking in the yard. So he’s familiar with his music then? Rimshot! Swim Walk!
So the plan is to periodically check in on Gail’s now rotting corpse? I don’t mind, just want a heads up is all.
Maggots. Gross.
The hot blonde Linda is played by Sir Billy Connolly’s wife.
 Hooray.
Who the fuck is Harry?
Jesus Christ, the two mysterious “B’s” are about as subtle as shit on a dinner plate. That metaphor almost kinda makes sense.
A huge cloud of cigarette smoke went right into the shot. Is John Carpenter directing this?
Harry is suspicious of Gail’s motives for visiting Nick’s place.
The only motivation Gail has right now is decaying.
Harry’s little speech about women’s breasts is creepy enough to make even the die-hardest of tit-men puke.
CSI hasn’t been called in yet, so you can clearly see that the tempura paint and strawberry jam is still all over the walls.
Looks like Harry and Linda aren’t gonna discover Gail’s body, but I think we’ll see her old bones again.
Why does everyone give so much of a fuck about Harry? What’s the appeal?
Bosley’s friendly with the B’s.
Pamela Anderson Mark II was a dead ringer for Pamela Stephenson.
Nick should go stay with the Addams Family, it’s not as weird there.
That was one helluva fucking scream. I’m awake now.
Enough with the screaming already. Did the B’s buy one of those spooky sound tapes from The Spirit of Halloween?
This ancient Aryan hausfrau is getting on my fucking nerves.
And fuck Mr. B as well. Talking to trees and shit.
Nick is played by Jack Jones who had like a hundred albums it turns out.
According to Mr. B, that tree was screaming in pain at him.
That was a horrid come-on if it was one Mrs. B.
Can you feel the sexual tension between Harry and Bosley?
Gail and Bosley’s flashback seemed misplaced.
There is just nowhere romantic to picnic in England.
Seems Linda is two-timing with Nick.
Again with Harry and the basement and the elevator.
Nick was smart, Linda wanted to fuck – so they got in the Lotus. They were picnicking on an English cliff, it’s too cold to fuck.
Harry finally goes into Nick’s apartment, finds Gail’s rotted corpse with a rat eating her face (overkill), dry heaves, goes back down that fucking elevator again; then gets killed by the crazy hag slasher. That was Harry’s entire arc in toto.
Ewww. Linda was banging Bosley until recently. Bet he doesn’t have a Lotus Spirit to shag away the English misty air blues.
Bosley’s a transvestite.
Who. Saw. That. Coming. I doubt the relationship with Linda was physical then.
The B’s are related right? Even if they are married.
Mrs. B calls all of the people in the house scum and says her nerves can’t take much more a ‘dis!
Mother of Christ Nick, that’s not a hairy chest, it’s a fucking lint trap after you dry fifteen grey towels.
Better not let Tom see Nick shirtless, he might think the werewolf hunt is back on.
The hag slasher crosses Harry’s hands in front of of him, then puts his body in Laura Palmer plastic. Guess we’re not gonna watch him decay.
Nick goes on another noise hunt through the mansion, and ends up finding Gail’s rotted maggot head Gwyneth Paltrow’d in a gift box complete with ribbon.
Lotsa dry heaving in this movie.
Gagging, screaming, Linda disappearing, decomposed heads of ex-wives in gift boxes; it’s enough to drive a man mad I tell you. Mad.
And it does – Nick is off to get some “rest” at a sanitarium.
The protagonist is being sent to an asylum with less than a half hour to go in the movie, the fuck?
Hysterical exhaustion. Who hasn’t suffered from it at one point huh?
Nick better Monte Cristo his ass the fuck outta Arkham and back to the mansion to resolve this meshugas.
I’d kill to sleep for five days straight.
I’d kill to sleep for five hours if I’m being honest.
I wonder if this was an influence on High Anxiety. This scene with Nick and the Doctor reminds me of it.
Bosley’s being turned into a red herring way too much now.
Nick’s healthy, he’s ready, he’s rockin’ on the radio, and ready to solve this wacky mystery.
By going right to bed. What a cunt.
The cries and sounds start up the very next morning, which only goes to show.
New carpeting, the entire apartment Dexter’d into spotlessness – something’s amiss here Nick.
Enough of Bosley’s odd-acting and double entendres – I’ve eliminated him as a suspect so get back to Jacklyn, Kate, and Farrah post haste.
Mrs. B calls Harry “naughty.” Nick, run – do not fucking walk.
Figured it out yet? ‘Cause here’s the answer.
Of course it was The B’s! For chrissakes this was an easy one.
But, just like in that show Adolescence, it’s the why that’s the kicker: The B’s daughter Rosebud was obsessed with Nick and his music, and when Nick married Gail she killed herself. So naturally the B’s blame him for her death. It’s like the moms of the two assholes who blew their heads off listening to Judas Priest records, went nuts and killed Binks, Hill, Tipton, Downing, and Halford in that order.
If Rosebud was an Elvis fanatic, would she have off’d herself when the King fucked Priscilla right the fuck out of middle school?
How sane can you be when you’re named after a goddamn sled anyway.
Mr. B goes in for the kill, Nick ducks and the axe goes right into Mrs. B’s stomach. Whoopsy daisy.
Now if that weren’t enough, and why should it be, Nick hears tapping in the walls and follows the sounds to find Linda entombed in the wall with Rosebud’s body.
Very Cask of Amontillado. Or is it more Rats in The Walls?
I’d love a couple glasses of Port right now.
But even that wasn’t enough! After Nick puts Linda in the ambulance, he sees Gail waving at him from one of the windows. That’s a very mobile ghost.
So the ghost was real Nick.
Duh-duh-duhnnnn!

Final Thoughts: A proto-slasher (it beat Halloween by four months) that really should have been a giallo. All you need to do is make Nick a jazz pianist, swap out the mansion for a villa in Rome, put black gloves on the hag costume; and voilà.

How British 🇬🇧 is it: One of those productions where you can’t really tell if it’s foreign or not. Since the hero was a half-assed pop star, I guess it made sense to make it look American as possible. Tariff rate: 20%

Was It Entertaining: