The Beast Must Die (1974)

Country of Origin/Production: United Kingdom

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: One crazy-ass fucked up dinner party.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• The distribution company’s logo looks like the old Caldor logo.
• I like saying logo.
• We’re immediately told that we are the detectives and we have to find a werewolf instead of a murderer.
• The narrator says to watch for the “Werewolf Break” after all of the clues have been shown.
• Fucking cool.
• Logo.
• Killer 70’s wacka-wacka wah-wah pedal soundtrack.
• Guess we’re gonna see the entire English countryside whether we like it or not.
• Have we walked in on some people playing, “the most dangerous game?”
• A lot of CC cameras here in the hundred acre wood, is this guy worried about Pooh and his gang?
• Looks like it is the most dangerous game, but with do-overs it seems.
• No ammo in the hunter’s guns, is someone gonna clue us in to what the flying frig is going on here?
• If this black dude is training in the art of Ninjutsu – he fucking sucks and should be expelled from the training course like he’s Mayo and can’t do sit-ups anymore.
• I want your D.O.R.!
• It is very odd to see Grand Moff Tarkin running at full speed.
• All old computers from the 70’s, aside from being the size of apartments, always printed out their info on punch cards. You saw it all the time on The Six Million Dollar Man and Space: 1999.
• So all of this high-tech stuff is for this rich guy’s “I’m the greatest hunter in the world” spiel.
• Tarkin is playing chess with the criminologist from the Rock Horror Picture Show.
  

  Cut, cut! David, your dick is in the shot again! Let’s reset back to one everybody, I’m sorry about that.

• Dumbledore is in this too?
• Tom’s Bahaman accent is a trifle bit grating.
• Not only is one of the guests a werewolf, Tom will kill his own wife if it is revealed to be her.
• I can see that.
• This car chase has the pacing of something not edited or timed well at all.
• Jan reacts weird to questioning.
• Garlic doesn’t do shit with werewolves asshole.
• “She looks like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.” “Maybe she prefers meat. Raw.” Whew! Anyone else exhausted from all of that metaphor?
• Only in an Amicus film could we see a black man from the Bahamas living in an English mansion, watching CC TV with a Nazi, spying on his houseguests as they rip all of their lives apart in such a catty fashion.
• Tom’s wife stared at the roast for dinner very longingly.
• One of the dinner guests looks like Rick Wakeman with all of the air let out of him.
• If your movie needs any sort of cool background info, it’s always an easy bounce pass to Peter Cushing to have it done by a master.
• Davina’s eyes almost bug out her skull when the au jus is poured over dinner.
• Well, there’s a full moon tonight after dinner, so let’s get going shall we?
• Passing around a silver candlestick to weed out the Lycanthrope seems a bit on the node.
• Any chance of Tom’s wife releasing her wonderful mocha hush puppies out for some night air?
• The full moon makes Davina feel weird.
• Whoever the fuck the werewolf is, could they give the movie a shot in the ass and transform already?
• Well, the wolfsbane bloomed which is not a good sign if you remember the constantly repeated hymn in the original Wolfman.
• Does this werewolf have melee weapons training or is someone else trying to kill Tom?
• Except for the beginning of Jaws, I typically don’t like day for night shots.
• Wimpy Wakeman has hairy hands.
• WW also makes a food poisoning joke were he to be eaten by the werewolf. All I’ll say is: remember that botulism joke about Rock Hudson? The bad meat in the can punchline, that one? Well, there you go.
• If this was a blacksploitation movie made in 1973, while Tom watches his guests on CCTV, they’d be throwing the n word around like it was a meeting in the oval office.
• This movie is also a tad homoerotic, you’re not imagining things.
• We are exactly at the half way point of the movie and still no fucking werewolf.
• I call the character Paul Wimpy Wakeman. WW. Almost like..were wolf.
• Tom’s got his rifle and his disco pajamas on, time too hunt werewolves!
• The radar scene in Boggy Creek II was obviously an homage to this hunting scene.
• Pavel’s stoicism comes off as dull aloofness leading to his ultimate demise. See how easy it is to sound like a legit film critic? Nothing to it really.
• The werewolf sucked a fucking eyeball right out of it’s socket. You do not see that everyday, and never with a Chaney.
• He also destroyed all of the surveillance equipment and bugging devices. 
• Gonzalez, Barker, McCord, Martinez, and Sturgis could have learned a thing or two from this werewolf.
• Can Tom’s wife at least go take a shower?
• Davina tells Tom that they’re all alright.
• Tom’s more determined than ever, what with foregoing a rousing game of croquet and all.
• Tom walks around the forest surrounding his home so much you’d think he was auditioning for Lord Of The Rings.
• We sure did eat a metric fuck-ton of red meat in the 70’s. 
• Again with the fucking silver candlestick hot potato test.
• Even MacReady only had to put the blow torch to the blood sample once. That was an arcane one.
• Tom’s “leave her alone” could’ve been a meme for Britney Spears too.
• Nice to see the production could finally afford a night shoot.
• Or not.
• Production could afford at least six scenes with a helicopter but not to busy lights for night shoots.
• Christ, they even used just a normal big dog as the werewolf.
• BTW, this dog is dodging so much machine gun fire you’d think it was being chased by Norwegian scientists. That’s two arcane jokes from the same John Carpenter flick.
• Say adios to Tommy’s dog. Ya hate to see canine on canine violence but it does happen, and not just in the inner cities.
• The werewolf eats the helicopter pilot like this is Jaws 2, Tom shoots and misses thus exploding the helicopter as the werewolf runs away.
• We finally have a fucking movie here.
• Even when he shows up at a weird time, it is always a please to see Mr. Cushing in any capacity.
• If a werewolf bites a normal dog, does the dog get super powers? We’ll never know – Tom puts Old Yeller out of his possible Lycanthropic misery.
• Tom is convinced Paul is the Werewolf GD it.
• And so much for the Rock Horror Criminologist. The werewolf had a double header if you count the pooch.
• Tom said the movie title! What do I win?
• Nothing? Bunch of fuckers you are.
• Foote may look like Wakeman, but he dresses like Emerson! Hiyoooo!
• I haven’t run around in the woods like that since I was at least 10. I bet I’d last maybe 5 minutes now before hikers would find my skeleton 17 months later.
• BTW, 10-5-17 is not code for anything.
• Welp, here’s the Werewolf Break we were promised. I actually don’t really know who the werewolf is. There haven’t been any defining clues – I think you just have to guess. 
• And now, on with the last fifteen minutes.
• This movie is really testing the effectiveness of silver against the mythos.
• Now Tom is making everyone put a silver bullet in their mouth like they’re doing shots with the villains from The Crow.
• Oh shit! It was Tom’s wife?
• Tarkin just slapped a hysterical Davina. Hilarious. I watched it four times.
• Tarkin is taking an awful risk by staying with Tom, Vader. This had better work.
• Wait, turns out Caroline got the werewolf virus from getting her bitten dog’s blood on her. That’s a little roundabout no? Would it still make you a werewolf when it’s that diluted?
• Whatever.
• Alright Tom and Grand Moff, let’s finish this picture boys.
• Foote’s killed too, so it’s either Pavel (Dumbledore) or Davina.
• After a sloppily choreographed fight between the werewolf and the production’s dog trainer – it is revealed that the werewolf is in fact…
• Dumbledore! (Pavel)
• Oh shoot, Tom got bit and survived. You know what that means.
• Tom sure does. He puts the rifle in his mouth and Cobain’s himself with a silver bullet, thus immediately putting a stop to any future full moon shenanigans.
• All apologies.

Final Thoughts: A damn fun mystery to start off a new subdivision here that even less people will care about. Amicus Films were the little brother to Hammer Films I think, and this was one of their best efforts.

How British 🇬🇧 is it:  A quaint weekend retreat to a mansion in the woods, complete with bad weather and bad food. 80% Tariff.

Was It Entertaining:

Score: 7 Times I Had To Suffer From Argyria For No Readership (out of 10)