The Red Queen Kills Seven Times (1972)

Country of Origin/Production: Italy

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: A woman in a red cape who has a very specific number of people she has to kill in order to keep her legend thriving.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Another giallo, another little girl playing with a creepy as fuck baby doll in red.
• Hal Needham didn’t film chase scenes this long.
• Evelyn’s kinda giving away everything here.
• These two creepy sisters fighting is better than anything that was ever on Glow.
• Every kid blames their tantrums on scary paintings.
• That was one helluva tale Nonno, all I wanted was the quick sitch on the scary painting, but feel free to give the exposition to the entire movie.
• Remember when 1977 was 14 years away? I can’t.
• Two sisters, a legend about two sisters, and an inherited castle. It’s almost entrapment sometimes.
• If an opening sequence of a giallo ever needed to be re-scored to the theme of “The Facts Of Life” it’s this one.
• I can’t believe the Grandfather made it this far in the movie.
• Kitty and Evelyn are on separate continents and don’t write each other.
• Yeah, so?
• The Red Queen and the Black Queen together. Oh my.
  
• Spoke too soon about Nonno, off he goes with the heart attack from fright.
• This must be the advertised Red Queen were I to have a guess.
• Lovely side boobs.
• The red-cloaked lunatica is on the grass.
• It’s always a smug asshole who delvers all the news about a will and inheritance.
• The Red Queen can’t be Evelyn, seems my lovely Bouchet killed her in what I can only guess was a sister spat of some sort. Wow, that was alliterate.
• How’d they get blood to float like that?
• Another photography studio. Managgia.
• Should they have revealed that Evelyn was killed already? It looks like it’s gonna take the punch out of a few plot points.
• The guy reading the will says it is January 12, 1972. I’m still not here yet, but my Mom is about to turn twenty.
• Who’s the creepy Buscemi embryo with the switchblade?
• Then blackmail it is.
• The Italian Bobby Murcer looks like he forgot his line.
• Whoever he is, he just got Don Draper’d by the finocchio Art Director.
• Tits! Finalmente! Bravo!
• You can always rely on Sybil Danning to get you out of a tit-less inning.
• The Red Queen just turned the Art Director into a pin cushion.
• Hard to believe this guy was impotent the way he threatens other men by “cooking their goose.”
• The police sketch artist makes the portraits look like they’re from a coloring book.
• That’s a no on shading and contour then?
• That is a giant fucking office.
• I’m beginning to think “she lives in America now” is slang for getting whacked.
• I truly hope Ms. Bouchet gets naked soon, it’s been too long.
• Nothing slams the brakes on a pleasant evening more than a phone message from the dead sister you killed.
  
• Knowing these giallos, I’m sure those are real bats and not rubber ones on wires.
• You never see hidden passages anymore.
• A red cloak = the Red Queen. Beauty and brains, thank you very much.
  
• I would ask that you remove your hand from that breast Sir.
• Giallos love fashion models and the industry that they dwell in.
• You never see the camera shutter optic anymore either.
• She said, “Trump card.” I want a 65% big beautiful tariff on all profanity-laden reviews on giallos to start on November 2nd.
• At least the Red Queen gets the concept of remote locales for committing murders.
• That sad ambulance driving away in the background of this scene looks so outta place.
• Not only is she institutionalized, but a loving and warm wife as well. A hard combo to find.
• If you tell your husband that you’re gonna kill him, you have to be aware that it’ll take away 61% of the surprise.
• Ugh, Martin in his robe is gonna make me puke.
• Thank you once again for the nudity Sybil, we were getting behind in the count.
• Chrissakes Martin, that sex was fast even by Bob from Halloween ’78 standards.
• Crazy ass wife is so far the coolest kill in the flick.
• If everyone knows about the Red Queen and her kills – I trust they’re counting them.
• Rosemary! My dear it’s been an age! How’s the baby?
• The Red Queen taunts the cops like the Zodiac Killer. Hilarious.
• Bouchet looks so fucking hot when scared.
• Evelyn sure does get around for being dead and/or living in America.
• Was that Nadia’s theme played over Kitty’s killing flashback?
  
• Trippy as fuck dream sequence for Kitty here. Always appreciated.
• Kitty asks Buscemi the Blackmailer what he wants, and he replied:
  
• I didn’t want Bouchet’s nude scene to be a fucking rape! What is this, the Danny Masterson show?
• Rapist, blackmailer, heroin addict, and named Pete. Some are just born under a bad sign with a blue moon in their eyes.
• Even though Pete’s death is now the best in the flick, the Red Queen could use a cooler car. A VW bug doesn’t really convey danger and intrigue.
• If you freeze frame at certain spot during Pete’s murder, you can easily see who the fucking killer is.
• Enough of this cat and mouse shit Evelyn, let’s talk this out.
• The Red Queen leads Kitty out a false door where she plummets into a bale of hay like she’s in Assassin’s Creed Unity.
• Sybil Danning is naked in front of you and you admire her necklace? For fuck’s sake Martin.
• So much for Sybil. There goes two more breasts we won’t see again.
• Has Kitty realized that death is just attached to her hip at this point?
• The police figured out the America story was a ruse. Well done Columbo – just shy of a decade.
• Martin is cheating by reading the sealed codicil I think.
• So it was Rosemary that did the killing with Francesca being the brains behind it all. Go figure.
• Drowning and rats – very Poe.
• Turns out Rosemary was Kitty’s real sister, (she’s Evelyn essentially) and they were exchanged at birth for money. Way too convoluted for the last eight minutes, but whaddyagonnado?
• Christ, the Evelyn that Kitty thought she killed was only stunned and saved by Francesca, who then immediately finished the job of crushing Eve’s skull. So it was Francesca who killed the girl, not mother!
• Sorry, wrong denouement.
• If it weren’t for evil fucking legends and unfair inheritances that create grudges, we wouldn’t have giallos or Scooby-Doo.
• Yelling, “Stop it!” to an active shooter never ever works. Ask any American.
• I bet 3/4 of the budget went into the drawing scene.
• Herbert drowns himself, Kitty and Martin get in the ambulance and the movie’s over.
• I forgot who did it.

Final Thoughts: The whole movie seemed crammed into the last twenty minutes or so. It checked every Giallo box as far as structure and plot go, Bouchet is always welcome, and the addition of Sybil Danning was a nice shot from the blue line.

How Italian 🇮🇹 is it:  Cristoforo Colombo saluta. 100% Tariff.

Was It Entertaining:

Score: 6.5 Times It Was Funny Not To Give The Review An Obvious Seven (out of 10)