Space Amoeba (1970)

Country of Origin/Production: Japan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: An amoeba from space hitches a ride back to earth that mutates sea creatures into giant monsters

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• A non-Godzilla Kaiju flick. Not sure I tried any of these out yet. I’m wondering if sometimes Toho made new Kaiju to try out and if the film was a success then that monster can join a Godzilla movie and get beat by Godzilla? Like this is a try-out flick for monsters.
• So this space rocket is expecting reach Jupiter soon. Which is remarkable since this flick premiered just over a year after Apollo 11 reached the moon.
• Darn it, the capsule got space amoebas all over it!
• The damn space amoeba made the capsule turn around and head back to earth. Why? One reason: Arby’s new Angus Cheesesteak!
• Some photographer witnessed the space capsule enter the earth’s atmosphere from his plane. He tries to tell his editors at the paper, of course they don’t believe him. 
• I’m curious, if this film is the same universe as Godzilla. In other words, is the Japan in this flick the same as the one who battles Godzilla from time to time?
• As the photographer is leaving the office, a young lady approaches him and wants him to take photos of an island in the pacific that only has 80 natives living there. As she’s telling him about the island, she shows him large photographs of the island hanging on the wall. If she already has photos, why does she need this bloke for?
• Oh. The lady and her associate want to turn the island into a luxurious resort. The photographer declines the job because that’s not his thing and they are disappointed…until a doctor acquaintance of both the young lady and the photographer steps in.
• The doctor tells them that the island actually has monsters on it and he must locate them. Kinda puts the kibosh on the whole resort plans now.
• This film is making it seem like that Doctor (Mida) knows there are monsters on that island more so than the people that actually live on that island. I say this because two fellas are going fishing on the island and one brushes off those old stories about monsters. Unless these fishermen are complete idiots.
• “Thanks to their [the natives] superstitions we can fish wherever we want to!” 
• The one fisherman explains to the scared one that when the next set of tourists arrive they should have fresh fish for the the good of the company. How much fish does the company expect these two dudes to catch in one day with two poles?!

• Welp, the scared fisherman was nabbed up by the Space Amoeba’s tentacle and brought back down to the depths as a light snack.
• Amoeba? More like giant octopus or squid is more like it. Single-cell organism my ass.
• The still living fisherman stumbles upon some of the natives and tells them that his friend was taken by a giant octopus (see!) and that their stories about a monster are true. However, didn’t the Space Amoeba just crash land to earth like a few days ago?
• While on the boat to the island, some random shady-looking anthropologist (Makoto) starts to chum it up with the young lady (Ayako) and the photographer (Kudo). Then Dr. Mida comes over and tells them about the creature attack on the island. Boy news does travel fast from primitive island to steamer on the high seas!
• The anthropologist is excited because he can study the monsters instead of the natives. That’s not what anthropology is, oh…whatever.
• The other three don’t find his quip funny. Not funny at all, I’m sorry.
• Hahaha. Ayako made a dumb joke abut the island being prettier with the monsters and it should even be so lucky to have a volcano and the one native taking them to the island (Rico) says that’s not funny…at all.
• So the natives all speak Japanese because the Japanese occupied their island during WWII but despite the occupation they are all friendly with each other. Or so the Japanese seem to think…..
• Makoto complains that the island is so deserted when they get on the beach. Some anthropologist.

• Rico, the native guide tells them that no one is coming to greet them because they are all hated. He then runs off. He could’ve just refused to take them to the island from the steamer if this is how they are to be received.
• Why do they have beach umbrellas?! Not one either—but three!
• After a minute on the beach, a Jeep approaches them to pick them up. It’s Yokoyama and he’s the fisherman who didn’t become Space Amoeba food. When Dr. Mida asks him if he’s the one who reported the attack, Yokoyama, gets angry and says he doesn’t want to talk about it. They try to get him to talk but he ain’t budging.
• While walking to a cavern to explore, Ayako screams in fright at a slowly moving turtle. They mock her for her fear. But what if that was Gamera!
• While in the cavern they see the same blue glow in the water that the first Space Amoeba attack made before it emerged from the water. It makes some splashes and they find the dead fisherman’s watch. This makes Yokoyama freak out and he drives away leaving the others.
• He then goes to his quarters, packs up his shit and tries to leave the island for good. Rico is trying to convince him otherwise before the Amoeba attacks the quarters and nabs Yokoyama.
• The Space Amoeba’s shrieks kinda sounds like Rodan. 
• The others find a knocked out Rico, revive him and notice circular frost-bite wounds on his chest. Dr. Mida surmises that the creature must have a below-freezing point body temperature. Makoto dismisses that theory as “monster-phobia.”

• They then also remembered “the guy who drove away” and where do they suppose he is. Man, this monster movie is kinda stupid.
• While searching for Yokoyama, Makoto finds the resort plans in the destroyed quarters. Foreshadowing?
• Rico’s so in shock and barely conscious that his own girlfriend can’t get him to react. Dr. Mida says that’s a shame since they were probably lovers.
• The native girl then leads them to her tribal land to help Rico. As soon as they enter the main square, the natives start to pray. But praying for a curse on the Japanese people who just stumbled into their camp.
• Makoto is skeptical that there even is a monster. Every monster movie needs one skeptic.
• Kudos calls out Makoto on his real intentions being here on this island and also calls him out on taking the plans for the resort. Makoto now reveals that he works for a rival resort and he planned on sabotaging their resort.
• Not sure why Kudo is the most upset by this news, He is merely a photographer tasked with taking publicity shots of the island and resort. In fact his arm had to be twisted to even take on this assignment if you recall. Maybe he just really hates liars and/or Anthropologists.
• The film cuts to two scuba divers and we don’t know who they are! I’m assuming it’s one of our heroes but the film isn’t telling us yet.
• And with the scuba masks I still don’t know who’s in the water if not for the process of elimination from the scene showing Makoto, Ayako and Rico and his girlfriend on land.
• Kudo and Mida swim down to the downed space capsule to investigate. They better hurry up cause a monster is coming and I don’t think one spear is going to cut it.
• This Space Amoeba is not menacing enough. The octopus in Robert Altman’s Popeye looked meaner.
• The Amoeba grabs Kudo but Kudo stabs the tentacle with a knife and then Mida shoots his spear at it and well I looked away for a second while writing this and now they are both captured.
• But then a pod of dolphins swims by and the Amoeba releases the men. Thanks Flipper!
• Watch the ink guys!!
• When they get back on the beach, they wonder how they were saved and Kudos thinks the Amoeba didn’t like the rubber of their wetsuits. Neither men surmise it could’ve been the dolphins. Weird.
• It’s kinda cute when the Amoeba walks on dry land using most of its tentacles as little legs. Reminds me of Sigmund and the Sea-monsters. Cthulhu this ain’t.

• Apparently the natives call this monster “Gezora” which is weird because I thought this monster was a result of the Space Amoeba’s that clung onto the fallen space capsule a few days back and now is mutating the sea animals, hence why Gezora is a giant Cuttlefish. Are the natives confusing this monster with an older monster named Gezora? See, that’s the problem…too many monsters, can’t even keep track anymore.
• Gezora attacks the natives village and starts wreaking havoc! The head priest approaches Gezora and starts praying only to be nabbed and thrown down to death! Gezora then proceeds to destroy as much of the village as possible.
• But wait! Gezora hates fire! Probably because it’s a very cold-blooded creature. But then again wouldn’t it be on dry land on a tropical island be too hot for it as well?
• But isn’t every possible living thing on earth harmed by fire?! This isn’t exactly a ground-breaking counterattack for a monster. 
• The heroes are hatching a plan that involves fire to fight Gezora but they need gasoline. But as luck would have it, some natives stroll in from the jungle and lo and behold are carrying a few gallons of gasoline!
• AND GUNS! They are all set now!
• No elaborate plan huh? Just find Gezora and just fire at will. No trap to lure him close to a pit filled with gasoline?
• OK even with some burns, Gezora stumbles back to the sea and will probably heal itself so now your lack of a good plan wasted all those bullets and gas. Dipshits.
• Everything I nitpick becomes moot since a short walk aways the group finds an ammunition depot filled with ammo, guns and gas. I give up.

• Worried Dr. Mida feels like there’s more to this monster than meets the eye. But it’s just a feeling he says.
• Idiot natives find a very powerful anti-aircraft gun and almost kill the whole group.
• Idiot Makoto steals a boat and tries to escape the island but another monster emerges from the depths. This time a giant crab. Not sure if this is a new monster or if the Octopus monster’s amoebas left that dying monster and made this new crab one.
• Where’s frikkin’ Godzilla when you need him?! Hell, I’ll settle for Gamera at this point.
• I know I’ve mentioned this before but why do all Japanese Kaiju always sound like bugs? The high pitched shrieking sound isn’t that intimidating. 
• As luck would have it, the crab fell down a ravine that just so happened to have stacks of gas cans that Kudo could strategically shoot from a safe distance and fry the crab.
• Yeah, so when the host dies or is close to dying, the space amoebas leave the host body and go find a new host to mutate. Just like the demon amoeba that has mutated into Steven Miller.
• And these mutations happen in mere seconds!
• Oh no, Makoto has been amoeba’d! No mutation on him though. Instead, Makoto hears the voices of the Space Amoeba (in his own language to boot!) and they tell him that they plan on enslaving the whole human race and he’s being controlled. This movie just jumped the Kaiju at this point.
• So after the overwhelming concrete evidence shown before him, Dr. Mida concludes that both monsters have somehow been manipulated by space aliens!
• Even if Dr. Mida is right shouldn’t they try as hard as possible to notify their government or any ones’ government?!

• “…In a way they’re more advanced.” Yet they are Amoeba, which is simply a single-cell organism.
• Ummm. Saki and Rico approach Kudo, Ayako and Dr. Mido while they are discussing how to deal with the space creatures and ask them to come attend their wedding later that night. Shouldn’t you, I don’t know, tend to the wounded and dead and the destruction of your village from the monster earlier that day before you happen to celebrate your nuptials? Plus is having a party this evening a good idea when there are monsters out and about? 
• Rico looks fucking thrilled about his upcoming wedding. In fact he’s petrified with excitement!
• They already put down a huge deposit on this wedding so by gum, they’re still having it! Who cares that Rico is still in a semi-comatose state.
• The flash of Kudo’s camera freaks Rico out and he runs away. When they find him in the jungle he’s out of his trance.
• Wait. What are they talking about with sound waves saved Rico? I don’t recall any odd sound waves affecting the monsters. Granted I watched half of this flick a few days back and maybe forgot but I know it wasn’t blatant whatever it is they’re talking about. Plus, didn’t they just witness the camera flash freakout like we did? Why can’t anyone connect the dots in this flick?
• Bats? They’re planning on going in a bat cave and use the bats high frequency sound waves to harm the Space Amoebas? How would that work exactly? Why would the bats cooperate?
• Aw shit. All the bats have been killed! Anyway, off to the next cave. Aw shit, these bats are dead too. Well what about that cave? Same. Damn. How about that cave…
• A new monster! A giant turtle! Rip off Gamera why don’t you!
• The cave that Kudo and Ayako took shelter in from the monster turtle had living bats in there! 
• Makoto shows up and demands to stay in the bat cave to sleep that night. Of course no one suspects that he’s being controlled by the Amoebas but they shouldn’t trust him anyway!
• Kudo discovers Makoto sabotaging the cave by pouring gas all over the outside.
• Makoto’s inner Amoeba voice speaks telepathically to the others and explains their whole plan. Also Makoto is ten times stronger than the original Makoto so don’t bother trying to attack him.

• Ayako tries to emotionally convince that Makoto is a good person and to do the right thing.
• Anyway, Makoto was born a dickhead and will always be a dickhead so he still burns the caves with the bats.
• Right after setting fire to the cave, the god side of Makoto fights and tries to save the bats. He manages to but the Amoeba’s ultimately control him to flee the scene.
• Meanwhile, Dr. Mida has his Carl Denham moment: “I think that even if a mans’ cells are taken over by an alien he still a chance. Man is more than the structure of his cells; it’s something that can’t be explained. It’s the soul. Every man has a soul.”
• So I’m assuming that the flying bats are making the two monsters crazy (apparently the crab one is still alive) and now they are fighting each other. You can’t have a Kaiju flick and not have two men in rubber monster suits battle it out.

• I love how most kaiju actors just wave their arms around constantly like that’s how animals move.
• Did the crab monster just douse the turtle with soap? Please be soap.
• This is the most boring kaiju fight I’ve ever seen.
• And I have zero dogs in this fight so I don’t give two hot shits who wins.
• An active volcano takes care of both of them anyway. Makoto too! Convenient ending.

Final Thoughts: Very run-of-the-mill Japanese monster flick like the ones that I used to watch on Saturday afternoons after the cartoons were done (I’m old). Sometimes fun but mostly trite with the same stuff any Godzilla movie has, it’s still decent enough to put on as background noise. I wouldn’t tell you fine folks to skip it but I wouldn’t rave about any of it either.

How Japanese 🇯🇵 is it: Well, you can’t have a Kaiju monster movie without it being as Japanese as possible. I don’t even think Japan made any non-monster flicks after the original Godzilla. I’m kidding but even I would be hard-pressed to name one. But yes, this is a very Japanese flick. I watched it with dialogue overdub (my only option) but save for that, this is as Japanese as sushi rice. Tariff rate: 90%

Score: 6 Space Amoebas (out of 10)