The Bigfoot Trap (2023)

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Some dudes build a Bigfoot Trap which looks like a large outhouse to try to—get this—trap a Bigfoot!

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Kinda odd that they still make modern-day Bigfoot flicks. That would be as odd as someone making a Bermuda Triangle movie in 2025.
• Three, let’s go with “good ol’ boys”, have just completed their Bigfoot trap and two are chatting while one goes and gets beers. One says “we did it.” And the other says “You wanted this for a long time. Your Paw-Paw would be real proud of you.” Lifelong dream of building that Bigfoot trap is totally achieved.
• Something tells me that Hector ain’t coming back with those cervezas.
• WAMPA!
• So does this mean the trap worked or not worked? What does it mean when the Bigfoot trap you just completed moments ago somehow attracts the Sasquatch to the area but it ends up killing your friend instead?
• The opening credits are a series of interviews with crazy conspiracy theorists, over-confident dude-bros, wacky entrepreneurs and lonely pet people.
• Anal glands?
• There’s even a flat-Earther. You know, like any local Trump rally.
• oooOoooOOooh you got the flat-Earther to say “around the globe,” you slick, sly devil you! She’s so owned!
• Our “hero” of this yarn kinda looks like Dan Stevens and DJ Qualls combined.
• JFC, hopefully that’s the first and only time we reference DJ Qualls. I feel icky just mentioning him.
• So Josh (the reporter who totally fooled that flat-Earth chick) is getting the scoop of the century to go and interview Red Wilson (The creator of the Bigfoot trap) all because he slyly got the flat-earther to admit the world is a globe? His superiors at this hack media company could essentially pick any Twitter comedy account for better snark.
• Hahahaha. Red Wilson (on a recruitment video Josh is watching) mentions that he has the world’s second freestanding Sasquatch Trap. His lawyers advised him to be as thorough in his advertising as much as possible.

I went Squachin’ and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt

• So who has the first freestanding Sasquatch trap? Probably Gary Busey.
• And what does freestanding Sasquatch Trap mean? Freestanding? Are other Sasquatch traps attached to condos or trailer parks or something?
• I also love how Red glosses over the fact that sure he admits that there is a female Sasquatch in the area of his trap, he neglects to mention that has brutally killed his friend and coworker.
• So Josh’s boss wants him to go join Red Wilson to film him “NOT” catch bigfoot and prove that he’s a “big fucking idiot.” So is this a comedy media organization or something? They’re really more interested in shaming people than getting a sensational story.
• Bigfoot in Tennessee? Tennessee? I always assumed Sasquatches are Pacific Northwest. Rockies even. But not Appalachia. Although I’m sure most Appalachia folk could be mistaken for Sasquatches.

• Josh and his girlfriend are discussing him doing the Bigfoot story and how Josh always dreamed of doing important news stories instead of this schlock reporting. We here at Hard Ticket to Home Video know a thing or two about this.
• Oh so the Sasquatch not only killed Hector but also took his body to his lair because Red and Kyle tell Josh that Hector is missing.
• Lucrative? Woah there Josh with your big-city fancy words there!
• Isn’t finding Bigfoot in everyone’s best financial interests Josh!?
• Right Red. It isn’t about the money. It is about proving that Sasquatch is real and stopping all those online trolls from making fun of you.
• But if I may, maybe the prime directive should be finding out what really happened to Hector and where he is and hoping he’s alive.
• I know I’d be comfortable documenting some nut-job’s quest in the wilderness to find a mythical creature a lot more if I, too, didn’t pray to Jesus using a cold Busch beer can. You would think the King of Kings would prefer The King of Beers.
• Squatching?!
• I’d much rather have gone fishing or hunting for small game in the woods with my paw-paw but if wasting time in the forest sitting and waiting for some creature that probably doesn’t exist is Red’s idea of quality bonding time then who am I to judge?
• Red just confidently explained to a quizzical Josh, that Sasquatches live in burrows underground. I’ll let you use your imagination in figuring out how a huge 8-foot, 900 lb beast burrows underground like a woodchuck.
• What do you think the shotgun is for Josh? Seriously, I may be a pinko liberal but even I believe guns are essential to deep forest hiking and camping.
• “To be honest, we’re a little too comfortable with guns around here.” Says Red, who obviously went to a fancy state college. What would your paw-paw think about what you just said Red?!
• So apparently, according to Red, Sasquatches communicate by knocking on trees. Sure. Let’s go with that.
• Sasquatch is a species, according to Red, related to the Asian Yeti and the Australian Yowie. Amazing that on three continents and yet no fossil related evidence has ever been found of this elusive species.
• HAHAHAHAHA. So Red shows Josh the Sasquatch trap and tells Josh that the Sasquatch keeps taking the bait but is never caught BUT he just installed the trip-wire last week to activate the steel bars that actually trap the creature in the trap. The Sasquatch honor system just doesn’t cut it anymore!

“I can’t seem to capture a Bigfoot in this thing.” “Have you tried dressing as a hot female Bigfoot to attract him instead?”

• Wait. Red then shows Josh about the camera stationed in the tree across from the trap that supposedly captured footage of the Sasquatch. So Red has video evidence of the creature but he still needs the news to legitimatize his findings? I’m confused to what Red needs this low-bit video journalist for.
• OK. So you have a Sasquatch trap. Freestanding trap to boot and video surveillance cameras around said trap and now you have a trip-wire to activate the trap when the creature enters and takes the bait but then why is Red telling Josh that they have 2 days to catch her? Is that trap not 100% guaranteed to capture and house the creature until you return? Why do you have to camp there and wait multiple days?
• Red knows about Josh’s earlier video of him bullying the flat-earth moron but still has faith that Josh won’t do that to him. Because he googled him and supposedly watched some decent Veteran journalist videos. Either that or Red has good blackmail material on Josh that he found online.
• Josh keeps making some bad off-color hillbilly jokes and frankly, Red ain’t taking them lightly.
• Red is also nailing St. Louis ribs to a tree to attract a Squatch. Because anyone who knows anything about Sasquatches know that they crave:

• Now I’m confused again. Red and Josh are out in the woods in the nighttime playing recordings of Sasquatch howls and clapping rocks together to find the location of the Sasquatch. But why? They have a trap with trip-wire and cameras around it. Why are they hunting one down in the middle of the dark forest?!
• A footprint? Yeah, you’re going to need more than that to convince Josh, Red. And why is there only one footprint? Did the Sasquatch hop a distance of over 3 yards?
• Clean the trap? From what? Nothing happened in there. Are they only using the freshest food to get the beast? Do Sasquatch have a refined palate? Maggot-infested meat not good enough?
• Kyle, Red’s friend, is trying to peer pressure Red into taking either Coke or heroin. Red politely declines. Gotta stay sharp for the Squaching.
• OK, please stop using the word Squaching.
• Josh calls his girlfriend and basically tells her that he knows he was supposed to mock this Sasquatch hunter but now feels kinda bad. Dude, it’s been less than 20 hours.
• So Josh tells his girlfriend that cleaned rotten fruit out of the Bigfoot trap. They were using fruit to lure the creature but now they’re trying meat. Has Red used this trap at all since he finished it a long time ago?
• So if I were to harbor a guess as to the ending of the flick, I’m gonna say that Kyle is the Bigfoot, wearing a costume and trying to either legitimize Red’s suspicions or to kill hapless people like Hector.
• I’m just going to say it. This is not a very smart Bigfoot movie. And that’s saying something.
• SEE! Kyle is wearing a costume. And Red is in on it. So now we all know that Kyle is the next victim when the real Sasquatch comes out while Kyle is trying to scare Josh.
• So even if Josh believed the hoax here, what does that mean for Red? Is he trying to start a Bigfoot trap business or something? What would scientists and other people who now believe that a Sasquatch exists in Tennessee do for Red?
• HAHAHAHAHAHA. When Kyle goes to fake attack Josh, Josh grabs the rifle and shoots Kyle in the chest. Then Red gets pissed at Josh and knocks him out.

Cha-Ka? Where’s Will and Holly?

• Oh come on, there’s still 50 minutes left?!
• Kyle’s 10-minute long death scene is worthy of the Fateful Findings “can’t believe you committed suicide” scene.
• It’s also worth laughing at the fact that Kyle is probably 5 feet 7 and in no way believable as a Sasquatch.
• So now Red is all in “eye for an eye” revenge mode even though it was his stupid hoax that got him in this mess.
• Oh wait. Now he’s got his senses back. Whew. I was worried there for a moment.
• Yeah, good point Josh. The authorities will have a hard time believing some dipshit third-rate online journalist actually believed he was being attacked by an actual Bigfoot and shot him in self-defense. Especially one shorter than Tom Cruise.
• Red says he managed to keep the Sasquatch trap a secret from the authorities during the Hector investigation. How seriously awful are those Tennessee police that they missed a cabin-sized trap, with an American flag on it mind you, in the woods where Hector was last seen in.
• I also call into question that Red assumes the Hector case is closed. Which in this film’s logic and reasoning it probably is since the cops there gave it the good ol’ college try in finding the poor soul.
• So Red is willing to let Josh die as well as deal with the deaths of Hector and now Kyle just so he can continue selling more T-shirts and build more traps. Solid plan.
• Is Red the dumbest villain character I’ve ever watched in a Schlocktoberfest feature? YES
• His plan is to let Josh out of the trap so he can somehow edit all his footage to make it look convincing enough of an actual Bigfoot encounter. He leaves out the part about how to handle Kyle’s death and body.
• He then “solves” the issue of him locking Josh up in the Bigfoot trap by shooting the camera attacked to the tree. Yo, Red, destroying the camera now does not erase any or all footage that camera took hours or minutes ago buddy. It’s 2024, you should know this.

• As riveting as it is that Josh reaches in vain for the rifle that Red left on the ground outside the Bigfoot trap mere inches from Josh’s fingers, I’m struck with the notion as to what the movie is trying to tell us with the existence of the Sasquatch. If Hector was in fact killed by a Sasquatch then Red has a claim that Bigfoot is real and that if his trap works, he can capture the elusive creature. But he makes his other good friend, Kyle dress up as a Sasquatch to fool the journalist into believing in Bigfoot’s existence to spread the word around and help Red’s business. So this leads me to think that Hector was not killed by an actual Sasquatch and someone else in a costume and Red never had any claim that he’s seen or almost caught a Sasquatch. But then again Red is one dumb shit and would probably still fuck up his plans either way.
• So Red is tech savvy enough to take the footage of Josh shooting Kyle and erase it from the computer and save that bit on a flash drive that he’s keeping around his neck and blackmailing Josh with. The same lunkhead that thinks shooting a security camera gets rid of the footage the camera took. The same imbecile who made a Sasquatch trap with no trap mechanism. The same nincompoop who let two friends die so he can make money on his Sasquatch traps.
• Say, um, Josh, Red may have confined you to his Sasquatch trap but he didn’t take your cellphone. Maybe now’s a good time to try to call for help instead of recording a Blair Witch-style confessional.
• Also the Sasquatch trap’s walls are thin pine wood planks. A couple of good body checks or kicks will knock those planks right off the trap. Which until now, I didn’t realize but is extra funny that Red thinks this outhouse made out of termites holding hands would hold a Sasquatch level creature.
• No cell service?! Oh no!
• Is Josh the dumbest victim I’ve ever seen in a Schlocktoberfest? Probably not but he’s high on the list when he doesn’t hear or see Red slowly coming back when he’s trying to call 911 on the phone.
• Is this movie serious? The cop who pulls up to Red’s pickup truck is wearing a simple blue button up shirt with just a badge pinned to his right breast. No other patches, pins or anything. And the shirt has bright white buttons making it seem even less like a standard police uniform shirt.

My uniform is still at the cleaners. I couldn’t get the Alfredo sauce out myself.

• Now Red is so upset at the situation that he “clears his head” by snorting some fine soothing cocaine.
• HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Red encounters the cop in the woods and then tells the cop that his name is Josh ‘MAC-Ma-Hawn’. Not ‘Mick-Man’ like a normal sane person would pronounce the very common surname McMahon.

• Like I’ve been saying Red is the biggest ignoramus I’ve ever seen in a movie.
• The cop ain’t too bright either. In fact, he could be more incompetent at his job than meets the eye.
• Red grabs the rifle and shoots the cop off the roof of the trap (he was up there attempting to boost his cell signal). What was Josh doing this whole time? Watching the cop of course.
• Somehow, Red’s cocaine-adled rage managed to kill the cop when he kicked him.
• Josh quietly opens the steel door of the trap and runs away. Red chases him with the rifle but never fires despite him having a clear shot the whole time. Doesn’t matter because Josh trips on a tree root.
• Josh fights off Red and makes chase back to camp. Red shoots Josh’s right hand and forces him to dig up Kyle.
• Digs up is not really the right word as Red just covered the body with dirt, never digging an actual grave.
• Now these dipshits are trying to stage these dead bodies as a drug dealer vs. cop altercation in the woods.
• Now Red’s telling Josh this super weepy story about the tie-dye bigfoot t-shirt his paw-paw made him right before he died. His drunk father then tried to throw the shirt away but Red found it and wore it to school where some kids bullied him and called him Bigfoot Faggot.
• Yes, a Bigfoot Faggot.
• Kyle is actually gay, for human men, as well as male Sasquatches.
• Red says that this was the South in ’04 so being gay really didn’t fly. Dude, you could be talking about 3004 and being gay still won’t fly in the US South.
• Didn’t see that coming. Red just told Josh that the cops will find the flash drive of him killing Kyle and then turns the shotgun on himself and blows his brains out. He didn’t think of destroying the flash drive?
• I would believe Josh’s plight more so if the Bigfoot trap didn’t look like the same crate that Ralphie’s dad’s leg lamp special award that was shipped in the mail.
• Josh is now attempting to grab Red’s water bottle using the trip wire and a rock attached to it. Not sure how he thinks this will work but he sure seems upset by it not working.
• Asshole moron Josh calls out Kyle’s name (the dead Kyle—the one he personally shot) when the real Bigfoot comes to the trap.
• Josh calls back the Sasquatch with the rock tapping and the beast rips off the steel bars (of course). While slowly walking into the trap, Josh sneaks out of the trap and somehow fights off the Bigfoot and gives chase in the dark forest.
• Josh trips yet again! But this time into one of Sasquatch’s holes where the skeletal remains and trucker hat of Hector is. Found ‘im!
• Josh hides under a pickup truck and the Sasquatch jumps into the cargo area, jumps a few times, screams into the night and then leaves.

• Josh explains that most of his equipment was destroyed so he doesn’t have any evidence or proof of anything.
• Even his boss doesn’t believe his story and makes a deal that he can keep his job if his only footage that he has gets 500,000 views.
• Even his girlfriend doesn’t believe him.
• Now Josh is supposed to interview the Flat Earth chick again but Josh gets cold feet and leaves.
• Josh is now 100% devoted to finding Bigfoot because he “owes it to Red”. Man, FUCK this movie.

Final Thoughts: I am totally unaware of the existence of Bigfoot Traps, probably more so than believing in the existence of an actual Sasquatch. I refuse to believe that there are people out there building large outhouses with the intent to capture a Bigfoot creature. But since this is America, I’m forced to believe that there are folks out there doing just that. While the traps are true or not in the American frontier is irrelevant though in regards to this movie. However, if you’re like me and never knew of such contraptions nor of the existence of this film, then consider yourself one of the lucky ones! Yeah, this movie was as stupid and lame as you can get from the bottom of the Walmart DVD bargain bin. However, I can easily admit that poking fun at this schlock was fun in of itself. Grab a few blessed Busch Lights with a buddy, wear your favorite Sasquatch tie-dye T-shirt, nail some baby back ribs to a tree and enjoy the absurdity of this flick.

Score: 2 Bigfoot Tie-die T-Shirts Made By Your Paw-Paw (out of 10)