Home Video Alert: Race; Gods of Egypt


Race (2016)

Race blu-rayNew on home video today is Race which is a sequel to The Stanford Prison Experiment in which the world has been taken over by 24 “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair clones after they Figure-Four Leglocked everyone’s dick off except for one man his old nemesis Harley Race so the dickless populace turns to Race in their hour of need and beg him to help defeat Flair with his signature flying headbutt and possibly get their dicks back but he refuses saying that he hasn’t done the flying headbutt in almost 20 years because the last time he did it it made Junkyard Dog’s head explode like a rotten pumpkin and he was unfairly labeled a racist because of that unfortunate incident which he totally wasn’t ok he may have made a few off-color jokes here and there but who among us I ask you is completely without besmirchment anyway Race just doesn’t want to do it because he’s been thus far unaffected by the Flair clones and would rather just pay to have someone take care of Flair but out of nowhere Flair #16 arrives at Race’s house and slaps the Figure-Four Leglock on him and Race’s dick almost falls off but he manages to turn the leglock around into a bridging fisherman suplex and then he delivers the diving headbutt off the roof of his house and Flair #16’s head explodes so hard that a hole opens up in the earth and Race falls through head first and ends up in China directly in the throne room of Flair #8’s palace and he decides to eliminate the clones after all so he goes all over the world delivering devastating and lethal diving headbutts to the chagrin of the Flairs but the delight of the dickless masses until only one Flair remains and that’s the original Nature Boy so Race assumes he must be at his home base in Charlotte but when Race gets to Flair’s lair and headbutts his way through Flair’s army he finds a video tape with a message from Flair about how Race will never find him ever and the movie ends on a damn cliffhanger don’t you hate that?

Own it today!

Gods of Egypt (2016)

Gods of Egypt Blu-rayNew on home video today is Gods of Egypt which is a direct sequel to Race picking up right where it left off with Race watching Flair’s video that he will never ever find him in a million years WOOOOOOOOOOO but Flair is clearly standing in front of the Great Pyramid and wearing a sequined robe with hieroglyphs all over it and sunglasses that say “I Love Egypt” on the sides and that song “Walk Like an Egyptian” is playing in the background so Race puts two and two together and travels to Germany but the locals there tell him Flair’s not there he’s in Egypt duh so Race then travels to Egypt to finally take on the original Flair inside of a steel cage on top of the Great Pyramid and everyone in the dickless world shows up to watch them battle like the gods that they are and Race wins the match after 17 minutes when Flair tries to hit Race with a foreign object but Race moves and Flair’s hand hits the ropes and bounces back and clocks him in his own head and he comically falls down and Race escapes the cage for the win and everyone magically gets their dicks back even the women and they seal the top of the cage so Flair can never escape and the Earth begs Race to be their king but he says he has work elsewhere and flies into outer space never to be seen again or will he it’s also kind of a cliffhanger.

Own it today!

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