Home Video Alert: Krampus

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Krampus (2015)

Krampus blu-rayNew on home video today is Krampus which tells the story of Jim Krampus who is the best god damn mattress salesman in the greater Helena area which means he sells upwards of five mattresses per year which is really amazing in the mattress business but things aren’t so good at home and even though he sells the absolute shit out of those mattresses his wife still doesn’t respect him and keeps telling him that Chaz Chiseler in Missoula has already sold three mattresses this year and it’s only June and Jim finally snaps and tells her to please be quiet and she gets furious and cackles in his face and storms out and two weeks later Jim gets a VHS tape in the mail and he watches it and it’s his wife having sex with that god damn Chaz Chiseler on every mattress at Chaz’s store and Jim is not too happy about it and a note with the tape says that Chaz sold all of those mattresses to the local orphanage and that was like four mattresses and not only is that really messed up but that means that god damn Chaz Chiseler has sold SEVEN mattresses this year and now it’s only July and he’s shattered the record for Montana mattress sales and has made Jim look like a fool twice and the city of Missoula has a big parade for Chaz Chiseler and at the end of the parade they show the sex tape on a giant inflatable screen and everyone in town cheers and thinks Chaz Chiseler is pretty boss so they name him mayor and the president calls and he’s like “Fuck that make him governor” so Chaz Chiseler becomes governor and his first act as governor is to close down Jim’s store and annul Jim’s marriage and they both anger Jim equally so he says “Oh man” to himself one day.

Own it today!

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