The Good Dinosaur (2015)
New on home video today is The Good Dinosaur which tells the story of a dinosaur cop who is the only good dinosaur cop left in his corrupt dinosaur precinct and he’s tired of all the corruption and lies so he approaches the dinosaur FBI and says he’s willing to wear a wire to expose the dinosaur cop corruption and little does he know that the head of the dinosaur FBI is the cousin of the dinosaur police chief in that precinct so they decide to teach the good dinosaur a lesson and send a really bad dinosaur to his apartment to rough him up and you can tell the dinosaur is bad because he wears a leather jacket and he smokes and wears a shirt that says “Bad to the Fossil” and he fights the good dinosaur but during the fight the good dinosaur manages to shoot the bad dinosaur in the face revealing that he was a bad robot cop dinosaur the whole time so the good dinosaur is like “What is this wizardry” and the bad robot cop dinosaur is like “Fuck you wizards haven’t even been invented yet this is the Cretaceous period” and he crushes all of the good dinosaur’s legs with his robot arms but before he can kill the good dinosaur the bad robot cop dinosaur just explodes because he was poorly made to begin with and the good dinosaur manages to call an ambulance but the dinosaur ambulance drivers and the dinosaur hospital are also corrupt and take like forever to get there and the bad dinosaur doctors teach the good dinosaur a lesson by replacing his legs with the bad robot cop dinosaur’s bad robot dinosaur legs and he learns one hell of a lesson about robots and you know what he never really takes down the corrupt system or anything the movie is just kind of a bummer and that’s why people didn’t care for it so much.
New on home video today is a double feature of Millennium and R.O.T.O.R. which tells the story of a plane crash caused by THE ULTIMATE INSTRUMENT OF TEXAS ROBOT JUSTICE R.O.T.O.R. WHO EXECUTED EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THAT PLANE FOR FAILURE TO HEED THE NONSMOKING SIGNS BECAUSE R.O.T.O.R. SET THEM ALL ON FIRE HA HA YOU FOOLS THOUGHT YOU HAD ESCAPED THE LONG ARM OF R.O.T.O.R.’S LAW WHICH IS R.O.T.O.R.’S LEFT ARM WHICH R.O.T.O.R. COILS AROUND YOU LIKE A DEADLY PYTHON WHILE R.O.T.O.R.’S RIGHT ARM TRICKS YOU BY SHOOTING YOU IN THE FACE YOU HAVE ALL BECOME LAX WITHOUT R.O.T.O.R. AROUND TO KEEP YOU IN LINE WELL THOSE DAYS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER AS R.O.T.O.R. IS BACK ON THE BEAT AND YOUR LOITERING FINES WILL ONCE AGAIN BE PAID WITH YOUR OWN ENTRAILS AS R.O.T.O.R. LIVES AGAIN AND [EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN]