Superman Vs. Man of Steel: Origin Story Showdown

In this feature where we take two movies with similar themes (or an original and a remake) and pit them against each other in different film-making categories to see which comes out on top! This time we break down the Superman’s origin story as told in both Superman: The Movie and Man of Steel:

 VS-matchup-Superman

Superman trailer

Man of Steel trailer

Phantom Zoning Laws

Superman: The most evil villains in Kryptonian history receive the ultimate punishment by being banished to the Phantom Zone, which is basically a spinning record album sleeve with only enough room inside to press yourself against it and scream for eternity.

[You Dumb Kid bonus: I always though Zod said, “You will bow down before me! Both you, and then one day, your ASS!” But he actually says, “heirs,” which makes more sense, because if Jor-El bowed down before him, his ass would be included in the deal anyway.]

Man of Steel: As Krypton is clearly about to explode, the high chiefs of Krypton are nice enough to put the most evil villains in Kryptonian history into hibernation, blasted up to a ship in concrete dildos, and sent to the safety of the Phantom Zone, where they become Krypton’s only adult survivors.

Point: Superman

_____________________________________

Escape from Krypton

Superman: Kal-El is lovingly placed into a craft that looks like the main decoration for a prom called “An Evening in the Stars.” His dad places some learnin’ sticks in with him, and off he goes while the planet explodes behind him. He eventually crash lands in Kansas, where the Kents find him, and for some reason you see his fandangler.

Man of Steel: Kal-El is lovingly placed into a craft that looks like a concrete buttplug. His dad encodes the DNA sequencing of every Kryptonian within him, which makes no sense, and also puts it on a USB drive, just in case. Oh, and, you see his jimdog. Again. I guess that’s just a Superbaby staple.

Point: Superman

_____________________________________

Clark Exposing Himself

Superman: Pa Kent keeps telling Clark to cool it with the powers, so Clark responds by running in the dorkiest way possible at 88 mph past a train full of people, then later bragging to his friends how he beat their car to a destination by running.

Man of Steel: The school bus Clark is on blows a tire, slams on its brakes, but still hits the side of a bridge at full speed somehow, and plunges into the water. So Clark gets up, goes out the back door, and pushes the bus to the shore. Check out the scene below, it truly makes no sense. How is all the water getting in at first? The door to the bus is closed. It looks like it gushes in from behind the driver’s seat and from underneath the dashboard? What?? The impact didn’t blow the front windows out or anything, because they’re clearly still intact when the bus rises out of the water at the end. And the kids just kind of stay put while the water rises to the ceiling. I know they’re panicking and they’re horrible, horrible teenagers, but no one thinks to swim out the back door Clark just opened, or the front door, which is now somehow fully open when the bus comes out of the water? Then he kind of lingers at the back to make sure he’s seen. Nice move, dicksplash. Of course, he could have just been like, “Well, I tried to open the back door because I didn’t want to drown, and just got kind of sucked out. Oops.” And then, there’s a scene at the Kent house where the portly ginger’s mom is pissed off that Clark saved her son’s life, or something. Then, Pa Kent tells Clark he should have let 15 innocent children drown to death instead of possibly letting on that he was really strong. It’s just baffling. For anyone who is hopeful about Batman Vs. Superman, there’s really no reason to be.

Point: Superman

_____________________________________

Pa Kent’s Death

Superman: Pa drops dead instantly of a heart attack, and there’s nothing Clark can do about it. As he says, “All those things I can do… all those powers… and I couldn’t even save him…” Which is great, because he most definitely can’t cure a fatal cardiac episode no matter what. Although he could have flown Pa to the hospital just in case.

Man of Steel: Pa is wiped out by a tornado because he had to save their f’n dog and then somehow he gets stuck but he won’t let Clark (who’s 100 feet away) save him, even though it would have been remarkably easy, because then everyone hiding under the overpass would see, even though no one was looking because they were hiding under an overpass.

Point: Superman

_____________________________________

Nosy Lois

Superman: So we’re just talking the first movie here, Lois is obsessed with Superman, but doesn’t realize Clark looks exactly like Superman but with glasses. She’s basically an idiot, but then again, so is everyone else at the Daily Planet. It isn’t until Superman II when Lois gets wise to Clark’s bullstuff, and tries to shoot him.

Man of Steel: Since this version of Lois is updated and not based on ideals of men from the ’40s, she figures it the fuck out, because women have brains and eyesight.

Point: Man of Steel

_____________________________________

Becoming Superman

Superman: Clark hears the green Krypton crystal calling to him, so he takes it and walks to the Arctic, finds a nice spot, and throws it as hard as he can. The Fortress of Solitude grows like an ice weed, then he talks to his dad’s head for a few years. Jor-El does point out that 18 years on Earth is “thousands” of years on Krypton, which is extremely puzzling and it’s never addressed again, nor explained why that point was necessary in the first place.

Man of Steel: Clark takes the USB drive to various odd jobs and eventually learns of a military operation in the Arctic, where he finds a Kryptonian ship that’s hundreds of years old but uses the exact same technology they were using when he was a baby. He meets his dad’s consciousness, which can interact with its surroundings perfectly, somehow.

Point: These are both stupid, but Superman, I guess

 

VS-posters-Superman

Yes, give me the Superman origin story that’s fun, triumphant, touching, and epic over the one where his dad is a suicidal psychopath and Clark gets a job as a lot lizard.

What do you think? Did we score the fight fair? Which movie won on your scorecard?

Posted in VS

14 thoughts on “Superman Vs. Man of Steel: Origin Story Showdown

  1. Man of Steel is based on Superman, from DC comics. Not the reeves superman. Man of Steel is not a remake. It’s an origin story of a comic book superhero and is based on that.

    Like

  2. Both are clearly and unquestionably based on the Superman series of comics from DC. Not to be confused with Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra’s Übermensch philosophies.

    Like

    • YOU SUCK ASS!!! 😉 lol jk. But no, it didn’t. Everyone got their knickers in a wad because it doesn’t really remain faithful to the quote-unquote mighty origins. Who gives a flying fuck-fart. It was a great action film with some, granted, unnecessary action sequences. I won’t win over anyone with me saying I loved it but I loved it. And I feel in an advantageous position because of it and because I avoided one of the most overblown arguments of 2013.

      Annnnd….my soap box just broke

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lol! I love a good rant from Tom!!!! 😉 I don’t care about origins & all that – it was the final showdown that went on for five hours & killed about a billion innocent bystanders that annoyed me. I honestly thought it wasn’t going to ever end! It went on for longer than Interstellar! Up until that point, I wouldn’t say I totally hated Man Of Steel. But that battle sucked ass! 😉

        Like

  3. Pingback: Schlocktoberfest 666 – Day 14: 976-EVIL | Hard Ticket to Home Video

  4. Pingback: Schlocktoberfest 666: Recap of the Beast! | Hard Ticket to Home Video

Got something to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s