THE FUTURE: 1997. THE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A MAXIMUM-SECURITY PRISON. STEALTH GLIDERS ARE VIABLE TRANSPORTATION. TINY BOMBS CAN BE INSERTED INTO A PERSON’S NECK. CASSETTE TAPES ARE THE PREFERRED RECORDING MEDIUM. AND WRIST TIMERS ARE RIDICULOUSLY ENORMOUS.
Look at that thing. What the hell? Why does it need to be that gigantic? All it does is count down time, and it’s the size of a loaf of bread. It reminds me of those giant wall watches from the ’80s.
I had this awesome Batman one.
It would have been just as practical for Snake to tie a stopwatch around his scrotum.
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
I don’t get your butt.
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It’s deep.
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And wide.
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Much like a clock I regularly have two hands near my scrotum
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Those are cat paws.
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That last line actually made me spit out some of my salad at my desk. Co-workers are staring…
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That salad was poisoned!
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In my best Christopher Walken voice, “Because, you know, NY, you just gotta escape…and dat’s dat. What’s to get?”
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I’d like to know Flavor Flav’s opinion…
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Those wall watches were so cool!
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I went back to my childhood home last week and it was hanging in the garage!
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Well I’m building a real one. I’ll try to get scrotum testing into the QA cycle. Read up about it at https://medium.com/@shrineofapple/happy-35th-birthday-snake-7a9635afe5ce#.4z67xz24d
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