Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 4-15-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

SAMUEL L. JACKSON MAY RETURN AS ZEUS FOR THE NEXT DIE HARD PICTURE, WHICH WOULD BE MUCH BETTER NEWS IF THOSE MOVIES WERE NOT SO HORRENDOUS.

THE NEW JESSE EISENBERG-KRISTEN STEWART MOVIE AMERICAN ULTRA HAS BEGUN FILMING. THE MOVIE INVOLVES EISENBERG MAKING SARCASTIC COMMENTS IN THE WHINIEST VOICE IMAGINABLE WHILE STEWART JUST STARES AT HIM, GAPE-MOUTHED- FOR 90 MINUTES. STILL BETTER THAN TUSK.

 DAVID FINCHER DID NOT GET ENOUGH MONEY TO DIRECT THE BETTER STEVE JOBS MOVIE, SO HE IS OUT, AND A NEW DIRECTOR IS IN: D.I.R.E.C.T.R.O.T.O.R. YES, R.O.T.O.R. DIRECTS NOW. OF THE MULTIPLE CAMERAS ON SET, ONE WILL HOUSE A HIDDEN GATLING GUN, AND ONE UNLUCKY ACTOR WILL NOT KNOW WHICH ONE IT IS UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE. IN EVERY SCENE.

HERE IS ANOTHER AWESOME GODZILLA POSTER. R.O.T.O.R. STILL PREFERS THE CLASSIC “HIS WIENER IS AS LONG AS THIS ENTIRE CITY” CAMPAIGN FROM 1998:

hr_Godzilla_25

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: BIFF TANNEN CANNOT DRIVE THE DELOREAN AT 55!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: GONE GIRL]


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