JOHNNY DEPP, WHO HAS BEEN KNOWN TO SPORT A GOATEE, MAY BE PLAYING DR. STRANGE IN TIM BURTON’S REIMAGINING OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES.
MICHAEL DOUGLAS WILL PLAY AN OLD ANT-MAN IN WHICH HE WILL DIVE INSIDE A RESPECTED ACTOR’S THROAT TO COMBAT EVIL VAGINA CELLS.
BIG MOVIE HAPPENINGS FOR YOU STUPID NERDS, FIRST WARCRAFT, NOW MAGIC: THE GATHERING. R.O.T.O.R. WILL PERSONALLY GIVE YOU A FREE ATOMIC WEDGIE WITH EACH TICKET PURCHASE.
[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION][PRESENT THE JOHNNY LAWRENCE STORY]
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
NO MORE ATOMIC WEDGIES!!!! You’ve caused enough chaos in my state.
LikeLike
Silly Michael Douglas, they already did a “shrink down and fight evil vagina cells inside a person” episode on The Magic Schoolbus.
LikeLike
Ah yes, the final episode. The vagina cells won. All the children died. The vagina cells always win.
LikeLike
No Shia Labeef douche-bag news today? Weird.
LikeLike
He retired from the spotlight!
LikeLike
So he’s being a douche-bag privately now, is what you’re saying?
LikeLike
His own private douchebag.
LikeLike