R.O.T.O.R. PROMISES THIS EDITION OF TODAY’S HEADLINES WILL CONTAIN NO STAR WARS OR BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN NEWS, EXCEPT THIS PART: YOU CAN NOW SEND A VIDEO-TAPE OF YOURSELF TO AUDITION FOR A ROLE IN STAR WARS EPISODE VII: WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. R.O.T.O.R. IS GOING TO SEND IN THE TAPE OF R.O.T.O.R. CUTTING DOWN PERPS WITH R.O.T.O.R.’S HOMEMADE LIGHTSABER, WHICH IS JUST A CHAINSAW WITH GLOWSTICKS TAPED TO IT.
THE PRINCESS BRIDE ON BROADWAY? R.O.T.O.R. PLAYED BOTH FEZZIK AND THE BOY BEING READ TO IN A LOCAL STAGE PRODUCTION, BUT R.O.T.O.R. ENDED UP KILLING THE GRANDFATHER BY BASHING HIS HEAD IN WITH A STAGE ROCK.
THE NEW TERMINATOR REBOOT MOVIE THAT WILL INEVITABLY RIP OFF THE PLOT OF R.O.T.O.R. IS LOOKING TO CAST MAYBE THE DRAGON BROAD FROM GAME OF THRONES AS SARAH CONNOR. R.O.T.O.R. WENT BACK IN TIME ONCE TO EXECUTE A PARTICULARLY SLIPPERY CRIMINAL NAMED VLADIMIR LENIN, BUT ENDED UP KILLING JOHN LENNON INSTEAD BECAUSE THE TIME TRAVEL MESSED UP R.O.T.O.R.’S CIRCUITRY. STILL, R.O.T.O.R. MADE A GOOD CALL.
[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION][BEGIN BREAKDANCING INSTRUCTION]
I just saw that breakdancing clip on a Lost and Found mix tape this past weekend. The fact that it has appeared twice to me in four days must be a sign that I need to practice breakdancing. I don’t know if I will ever be able to make faces the way he does though!
My friends and I cut up a bunch of glo-sticks and poured the essence into a jar once. Then we went out looking for smurfs that we could poison with it. Didn’t find any, but had lots of fun tenting our fingers in a maleficent manner as we stared into the glowing concoction. And actually, it looked more like radioactive jizz than poision anyways… so, that happened one time. At band camp.
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
I sent in audition video the other day. It was cell phone footage of me groping Carrie Anne Moss in an L.A. bar. I hope I get the part!
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I heard one of the codenames for the audition tapes is “Thomas”. T.H.O.M.A.S. should consider sending a tape in (as well as me).
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He did, but anyone who views the tape dies 7 seconds later.
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I just saw that breakdancing clip on a Lost and Found mix tape this past weekend. The fact that it has appeared twice to me in four days must be a sign that I need to practice breakdancing. I don’t know if I will ever be able to make faces the way he does though!
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My friends and I cut up a bunch of glo-sticks and poured the essence into a jar once. Then we went out looking for smurfs that we could poison with it. Didn’t find any, but had lots of fun tenting our fingers in a maleficent manner as we stared into the glowing concoction. And actually, it looked more like radioactive jizz than poision anyways… so, that happened one time. At band camp.
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Possibly the greatest story I’ve ever heard.
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