Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Country of Origin: Japan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Tokyo police run afoul of gore. Or maybe it’s Tokyo gore runs afoul of the police.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• A little girl is talking about how her police dad is a beloved hero and then his head explodes. We’re only 90 seconds in and this is already the finest cinema I’ve ever witnessed.
• A chainsawing madman has carved up a lady and the gore police have been called in. Our heroine (I assume) is sitting in her car cutting the living hell out of her arm. Should I not be eating while watching this?
• The Tokyo Gore Police (TGP) shot the guy’s arm off but then he just grows a chainsaw out of it. This is delightful.
• There’s just what too much going on to properly recap this. Not a bad thing for me, the viewer, but a bad thing for me, also the sole reader. 
• So our heroine (Ruka) ironically carves this guy up. Why is this only two hours long?
• So far though a lot of the gore is very close up, so it’s a little hard to tell just what is being carved into.
• So the TGP have been fighting Engineers, who can transform dismembered limbs into weapons, like the chainsaw, and they have key-shaped tumors. Classic old Hollywood tropes.
• Privatized police force with excessive methods? Come on, something like that would never happen in a civilized country.
• Ruka gets a merit badge from her boss for killing so many Engineers. I wish I got that kind of recognition at work.
• Seems like her mom used to slice her arms, too. What a cut up!
• Oh hey a vibrator. I haven’t seen sexual subtlety like this since Killer Condom.
• Also, Ruka was a prostitute.
• Harikiri is suicide, don’t do it.
• This movie is a little weird.
• Or is Ruka currently a prostitute? Hard to tell if that was a flashback or not.
• Oh, I guess not, because he lady pimp just had all the blood drained out of her.
• The happy police dispatch lady they keep cutting to says no blood was found at the crime scene, but the pimp’s remains are in a box and there’s blood all over them.
• I don’t know, this adorable wrist-cutting commercial is making me rethink my prior negative stance.

• Ruka gets groped on the subway so she cuts the guy’s hands off. That amount of wrist-cutting is WAY too much.

• The key scar on this guy’s face just looks like a dick. Anyway, seems like he blew her dad’s head off and is the one draining people’s blood. I like him.
• Naturally she gets in a swordfight with him and he rips off the top half of his face, and guns come out of his eyes that shoots shard thingies. Just like Tootsie.
• So he opens her arm up and I guess turns her into an Engineer.
• Ok forget what I said before this could be 80 minutes.
• I would play the living shit out of this Wii execution game.
• Ruka just found a bunch of pictures of boobs with teeth instead of nipples. Yeah you get it.
• I can’t tell if these freak women dancing at this weird party are supposed to be like that or if it’s just a costume, because it’s really hard to tell in this movie.
• Ok nevermind, here’s a living man chair that soaks the crowd in piss. Just like Driving Miss Daisy.
• Ol’ Teeth Nipples bites a TGP guy’s dick off. I guess she’s an Engineer and works for Gun Eyes.

• The guy who got his dick bitten off shoots Teeth Nipples and she upgrades to Monster Mouth Legs. Just like Out of Africa.

• Now that TGP guy has been Engineered so his arm is a sword. and his dick is a gun. I think KISS wrote a song about this.
• The chief of the TGP just gave everyone orders to kill Engineers on sight, but isn’t that what they were doing already?
• Ok, so Gun Eyes is the son of the man who blew Ruka’s dad’s head off (hired by privatized police enthusiasts, and then the current TGP chief who raised Ruka killed him), and he’s a genetic engineer who injected the genes of serial killers into his own body. Just like Amadeus.

• Anyway none of this moves Ruka since she slices Gun Eyes in half.
• Seems like the TGP are fascists who are rounding up people recklessly and indiscriminately! What a bunch of idiots! That could never happen!
• So there’s a metric shitload going on at once. Dismemberment, faces getting cut off by wine bottles, acid breast milk, it’s impossible to keep up with, and it’s great.
• One thing that isn’t so great is nearly nonstop excessive shaky cam, which is way more sickening than any of the extreme gore could ever be.
• What the fuck is this guy with the purple head supposed to be? He looks like a California Raisin. A CaliGOREnia Raisin.

• Ruka is now in full Engineer mode with her monster arm and her monster eye. Adorable.
• This big cannon gun of severed fists seems like more of a sex toy.
• So she defeats a leather gimp woman with katana limbs. Just like in Chariots of Fire.
• Then she cuts off the chief’s legs and he flies around on the blood spray for a while then she chops his head off. Just like in Tokyo Gore Police.

Final Thoughts: I think your enjoyment of something like this is wholly dependent on what you think of gore. If the sight of tomato sauce makes you vomit, this is definitely not for you. For someone like me (cool, handsome, humble), I love it and can’t get enough. That being said, gore alone does not a great movie make, and the story in this one is kind of neat but also pretty dumb, and it’s a bloody nostril hair too long. Recommended for those suffering from gun eye, monster leg, boob tooth, and severed fist separation anxiety.

How Japanese Is It?: I haven’t been to Tokyo yet, but I assume this happens there all the time. 70% Tariff

Score: 7.25 Drops of Blood (out of 10)