Schlocktoberfest XIV – Day 27: Creature From Black Lake

I’ll be driving next year, you know what that means? Me neither. We will however be able to go to Central Avenue whenever we want to. Imagine living near there? I can’t. Look, I’m not gonna have a lot of achievements in life so lemme have this. Is this another Bigfoot movie? What the Hell’s goin’ on?

Creature From Black Lake (1976)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Does it matter at this point? It’s another shitty Bigfoot movie.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

Starring Dub Taylor and Dennis Simple. They spared no expense with the cast obviously.
Poachers upset at being poached. The circle of life for swamp rednecks.
Did this fucking teacher just say, “Supposively?’ I don’t give a shit what most people say, that is not a word.
I’m getting very strong “Attack of the Giant Leeches” vibes here.
The editing between these students and the monster attacking rednecks is jarring to put it mildly.
Good thing these students had chemistry, since it seems we’ll be with them the entire trip.
I was just about to ask why this guy is obsessed with hamburgers.
I can’t tell if this kid’s hair is more Keith Partridge or less Jim Stafford.
This guy hasn’t read the Night Of The Demon memo which clearly states not to urinate in the woods in a Bigfoot movie.

I think that Mountain Dew commercial just gave me diabetes. We’re up to four fucking Police Academies? I hope they never bleed the Star Wars trilogy like this.
The ad-libbing in this movie is almost as bad as the script.
I truly hope these jag offs get killed soon.
Let’s use the locals as extras, don’t worry it’ll work. Just ask Charles B. Pierce.
Sheriff Billy Carter. Of course it is.
I think Eve the waitress could only work at this specific diner.
Jack Elam’s looks of concern are always hysterical for obvious reasons.
I can’t believe his fucking joke has killed more than once.
‘Ole Joe Canton really knows how to control the vibe of the place doesn’t he?
I figured perm boy from the barber shop was a sympathetic believer who wants to help, but only in secret.
Pahoo. His name and his jokes ares sickening.
That quick flicker of a flashback was stupid.
Grandpa Bridges is the old coot from the Hubba Bubba commercials. Big bubbles? No troubles.
The south would be far more tolerable if more mothers let their infants wander alone into the woods.
This bitch just leaves her kid for Bigfoot as she backs away in horror. The fact that she dies in a car crash almost immediately after is just desserts I say.
They don’t want to look like dumb rednecks? Why on Earth not? A little too late anyways.
The wonders a whopping $4.25 in reward money can do to a bunch of definitely not dumb rednecks.
Dear fuck, I didn’t want a hoedown.
The monster just threw Grandpa’s best hounds like rag dolls – hilarious.
Like that’s really fried chicken.
I hope Pahoo gets an intestinal parasite the length of three football fields.
How many times are these two fucking assholes gonna mention the creature immediately after being told not to do so.
I hope they get killed in the barn. Please let them get killed in the barn.
Is this asshole checking room tone? Run assface!
I have to say that I am watching an absolutely gorgeous print of this silly mess.

I think that commercial for Virginia just gave me type 2 diabetes. Even Marilyn Monroe sold out to the 80’s after being dead for twenty five years. And yes, I do find running a alcoholic help-line ad during a movie you can only watched altered somehow, offensive. Good thing Stroh’s is spoken here.
Pahoo and Rives – Mulder and Scully they are not.
When a local girl moves a rack of potato chips outta the way to get a good look at you – wedding bells are next in these parts.
This is just not Eve’s week.
Pahoo makes me fucking sick, did I mention that already?
Of course the cute redhead is the sheriff’s daughter. Got nothing against a big town, I’m still hayseed enough to say, “look who’s in the big town.” But my bed is in a small town and that’s good enough for me.
That’s two John Cougar Mellencamp references this year.
Rives suffers from I can’t seem to keep this darned shirt on disease.
These two douche bags primp themselves up at the camp site like they’re waiting for the Pigeon Sisters.
Rives is in love with Pahoo isn’t he?
Those southern belles like nuthin’ better than fuckin’ after a prayer meetin’.
They don’t need to worry about the rain, the crew’s rain rig can’t reach the girls’ car so it’s only raining on the tent.
He really loves that fucking tape recorder.
The camp site sure did dry up mighty quick. I think the ladies did too.
It looks like Rives is gonna give this girl blue balls somehow.
They’re all in the tent together Mr. Fouke Monster. Very easy to slaughter, no fuss no muss.
OK, if they won’t get killed by the monster in the woods, I’ll settle for prison rape.
Oh yeah, Jack Elam is in this. Right on.
Moonshine of Magnesia – for redneck heartburn, there’s just no other solution.
Elam only misses once Fouke Monster, so take kindly to that warning.

It’s April, why are they still running the advance commercial? Shit yeah I got the new Dokken single from the movie. There’s a great song by that band Queensryche on it too, I hope they get a break soon.
How much time has elapsed since Elam’s friend got killed in the beginning?
I wish some of the graffiti Pahoo read said, “Brooks was here, and so was Red.”
For a town that doesn’t seem to know Joe Canton, they all say his name when he shows up.
I don’t think he’s acting, I think Elam is really shit-faced.
They don’t even bother with a cot – they just have him sleep it off on a slab tin the morgue.
I’m glad Joe stepped on Pahoo’s balls – best way to keep him from procreatin’.
This scene needs subtitles.
Sheriff Carter says he’s gonna turn these boys loose. Oh no, that can only mean…
The keep off the grass sign sketch ladies and gentlemen – hope you enjoyed it.
Canto lives in the same shotgun shack Jason did in F13 Part 2.
Canton’s story of the creature could have used a flashback, but I guess the budget was just about gone by now.
Pahoo has his name iron-on’d the back of his t-shirt. Of course he does.
Been waiting for their stupid van to get stuck in the mud.
That was a lot of woo-ing if you’re not Rick Flair.
Fart jokes are Pahoo’s trigger? Take a Xanax and relax ya creep.
Dissension in the ranks? Now, in the last half of the third act?
If Pahoo’s Nam vet status is supposed to forgive him of most of his idiosyncrasies – I would have to say no, it’s not enough.

Who the fuck doesn’t have cable nowadays? Have you ever had a meal at Friendly’s that decadent? Oh yeah, when?
Bullets or camera film, you have to forget one in a Bigfoot movie.
Creature killed Pahoo! Hooray!
He’s earned ransacking the camp – have at it.
Rives looks like Joey Laurence. It just hit me, like the bus that I hope is coming next.
It’s a CB radio you fucking rednecks, not a party line.
The Fouke Monster punches in the driver’s side window, gets stabbed by Rives, then jumps out of the way when Rives tries to smash him into a tree with the van. Here’s to a well-deserved beer after that stunt work.
He flips the fucking van, so we can add superhuman strength now to mix.
This chase scene lacks everything you need in a chase scene.
This is nothing like the final fight in Predator at all.
After all of that, Rives stabs Pahoo.
Just leave Pahoo in the bush. Let’s all write him off at this point.
That’s the way the redneck apologies.
Why are they steam baking Pahoo like snap peas?
Ugh. This whole hospital scene is like the one from Happy Days.
Rives is using the “we got more things to do” bedside speech from Rocky 3.
Pahoo snaps out of it with love and determination. Truly an inspiration to us all.