Schlocktoberfest XIV – Day 22: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot (2018)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Sam Elliott, when he was a young mustache, killed Hitler. Now he has an old mustache and is tasked with killing a Bigfoot.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

Any flick that starts with Billy Squier’s Lonely is the Night can’t be bad right?
But I feel like with a title like: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot is the most spoilery title since John Dies at the End. Which I never seen but I’m assuming John does indeed die at the end.
I guess the title of: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then Potentially The Bigfoot doesn’t quite have the best ring to it.
So you know how all Nazi’s back in 1940s Germany always greeted each other with Heil Hitler but if Hitler died would they still greet that way or salute using whoever is the new Fuhrer? Like Heil Himmler or Heil Doffensmirtz?
Nice Swastika watch! Is it a Swatchika?
So the film is bouncing back from the 1940s in Germany and modern day with an older Sam Elliott remembering what he did back in Germany during the war. In modern day he’s a kindly, sad, lonely drunk who still has the capacity to kick ass when some muggers attack him.
Hey! Vince Guaraldi, sweet. Any minute now I’m expecting Snoopy’s WWI Flying Ace and his trusty Sopwith Camel to show up.
People don’t say “Cripes” enough anymore.
I’m not commenting much because not much is happening and it’s a little confusing. I think Elliott is thinking back at himself as a young man in the 1940s. Right now he’s talking to someone in a tent about how many languages Elliott speaks.
“I see…artistic love in your eyes.” Okay, can we get to the Hitler and Bigfoot killing soon please?
I don’t know who young Elliott is chatting with but this guy wants to give Elliott a shave and it’s played for tension. Again, the tension would be better played if we knew who this guy actually is.
The guy is comparing a good shave with good omens or some weird shit.
So this guy is Russian. This explains a lot actually.
Loving Elliott’s labrador Ralph. He sits in the backseat of Elliott’s sedan with his paws hanging over the front seats as they drive. He’s a real good boy.

I’m over 20 minutes in and all this movie is so far is a sad and lonely older Elliott reminiscing and flash-backing to young Elliott in the 40s.
They couldn’t find a young male actor that has close to the same gruff deep voice that Sam Elliott has?
Now there’s an extended scene of Elliott trying to return a winning lottery ticket that he found in the street. Maybe it was Hitler’s lottery ticket?
And now he’s talking about how old paper money gets destroyed on purpose by the federal government so they can print new paper money. This movie is pretty much just a kindly old sad lonely Sam Elliott having an OK day.
Jeez, how old did Larry Miller get? Or is that make-up?
Elliott is now getting a haircut. I wonder if he’ll hit the post office next or go straight to lunch at the local malt shoppe?
Larry Miller is Elliott’s brother and he suggests they go fishing. Who has that on their bingo card?
So I’m assuming since they’re not outright telling us, that the Russian dude has a network of spies and assassins that he vets and sends on missions and Elliott is the latest to infiltrate the Nazis and try to kill the Fuhrer. I mean, it’s half of the title of the movie.
So, somehow, Elliott’s character is high-ranked enough to personally see Hitler in his chambers alone to give him a message. The movie, thankfully, skips over all the rigmarole of how an American spy successfully infiltrated the Nazi ranks in a short amount of time.
The message was a recruitment poster with Uncle Sam and as Hitler looks back up in disbelief, Elliott kills him with his secret spy gun made out of a pen and flask and other common items that would give MacGuyver a boner.

Back in 2018, Elliott returns home in the evening, takes off his shoes and coat like Mister Rogers and then plops down in his recliner to relax. Hey! Look, he deserves it.
Back in 1940s and he’s wining and dining a charming lovely young lady in a fancy American restaurant. Sadly, his success as a Hitler-killer must be kept on the hush-hush unfortunately because if she knew this, her panties would drop faster than you can say Dwight D. Eisenhower!
Elliott’s character’s name is Calvin Barr. That’s just slightly a better name for a Sam Elliott character than Richie Marks.
Speaking of Shakedown, so we have 2 Sam Elliott flicks this month, 2 George “Buck” Flower and 9 Lance Henriksen flicks. Weird.
Yet, none featuring Harry Dean Stanton? Travesty!
Hahahaha. Calvin was about to propose when some drunk asshole bumps into their table and the drunk says “Hey move your table, pal, it’s in the way of everything!” Pretty sure the restaurant placed the table there meathead.
I recognize young Calvin now. He was the handsome most normal Dwarf in the Hobbit trilogy. I didn’t recognize him without the dwarf ears.
NOW he’s interrupted to proposing again by two parents talking to Calvin’s girlfriend, who happens to be their son’s teacher. I think Calvin is going to have to update his kill resume soon. New title: The Man Who Killed Hitler, and Then Some Random Rude Assholes and Then If There’s Time The Bigfoot.

You would think with a title like The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot that there would be more action and/or craziness in the story but this is no more wacky than Valkyrie with Tom Cruise. In fact, it’s just more depressing.
Calvin looks so despondent in these scenes you’d think the title should be: The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then Himself 75 Years Later.
Ron Livingston?! And Ray Butani from Schitt’s Creek?!?!
They both are here to recruit Calvin to take care of the Bigfoot problem Canada is having with it killing a bunch of folks.
A lot of tension in this room after Rizwan Manji mentions the Bigfoot. You would think he said that Calvin has 2 hours to live or that Calvin is his father or something.
Apparently the Bigfoot is a carrier of a very powerful and contagious plague. And Calvin is immune!!

So the US and Canadian government want to try to send in top men to try to kill or contain the plague-infested Sasquatch. If Calvin fails they will nuke half of Canada to save the world. Typical stuff really.

Calvin is telling his story of about he killed Hitler and I’m getting USS Indianapolis vibes. Even the music is somewhat reminiscent.
Like any number of movies of this ilk, Calvin declines the mission. Probably for a scene or two.
So Calvin attempts to call his brother but for some reason hangs up. Next shot Calvin is in pajamas and about to get in bed when his brother calls him back and asks if he tried to call him earlier. Calvin says yes and next shot they are both dressed and sitting on a park bench drinking hot cocoa. “Sorry I called you so late.” If it’s that late and he was about to get into bed, couldn’t they just chat on the phone? Or meet up tomorrow? Weird.
I get that Calvin is an excellent soldier, assassin, tracker, etc. but seriously, the US and Canadian government can’t get any dozen number of able-bodied men to go into the woods and lure and snipe the Sasquatch? Instead of getting an 80+ year old man.
Why are they not sending in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police? They always get their man!
I guess if you’re the guy who can kill Hitler, you pretty much are tasked with killing anything.
Well he really wrestled with that tough decision. His brother barely convinced him. Whatever.
The military has a huge ring of controlled fire encompassing a 50 mile radius to contain the Bigfoot and to stop anyone from getting in. I wish Canada would do this around Ryan Reynold’s house.
Maybe that ring of fire is what’s stopping Rick Moranis from coming back and making Hollywood movies again.
We are suddenly thrust into the action as Calvin is chasing the Sasquatch but misses and breaks his pinky finger falling down a steep cliff. Sasquatch: 1, Calvin: 0.

I find it kinda funny that this flick is equating the task of killing Hitler as the same vital importance to the fate of the world as killing a diseased Bigfoot.
Apparently there’s a time limit. Not sure why. Maybe the fire is dying down or something. But it’s a controlled fire so can’t they just keep it going? I dunno what the time limit is for other than to ramp up tension.
I love the idea of having an assassin so good he killed Hitler in 1945 but I’m not sure what that has to do with him now hunting down a mythical creature. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself but maybe the Sasquatch is actually Hitler!
Calvin surmises that the Sasquatch is vegetarian by smelling his droppings. Again, will this matter? Wait, wasn’t Hitler famously a vegetarian?!
Calvin’s camping in a cave and an owl sits next to him. Please tell me that various animals will assist him in his mission.
Flashback to Calvin’s girlfriend writing him a letter when he was overseas in the 40s and he didn’t get her letters since he was neck deep in Nazi territory. Guess she left him to teach somewhere else and he never saw her again? Guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
When Calvin reaches the peak of this one tall mountain he finds a very frail and skinny Bigfoot in a lot of pain lying on the rocks.

Oh it died. Or so Clavin thought as he arranged a funeral pyre around the motionless creature. But as he was about to light it, the Sasquatch comes to and attacks.
It’s a shame Peter Weller couldn’t be in this picture too.
Pretty impressive and creatively designed Bigfoot. He’s thinner than most Bigfoots and more scraggly. His face is way more frightening and less hair on it. Long arms and legs and more agile. Think more gibbon than gorilla.
I think Calvin got the upper hand when the Sasquatch was on top of him by stabbing the beast but the Sasquatch repeatedly vomits in Calvin’s face before Calvin lets go and the Sasquatch crawls away. This should be more profound but we all know that Calvin is immune to the disease the Sasquatch has so the toxic vomit is just there for ick effect.
Calvin then approaches the near death Sasquatch and apologizes to it before blowing his brains out.
So now his brother is eulogizing Calvin so I guess he died fighting the Sasquatch. He died doing what he loved.
Man, I wish I was right about the Sasquatch being Hitler. Really would’ve brought the film around full circle you know?

Oh he’s not dead. Not shocked but was it really necessary to fake his death?
And there’s still 18 minutes left so is there another Sasquatch seeking revenge or something?
Oh, maybe he didn’t fake his death since he’s watching his grandniece’s school play in public. So they sincerely thought he was dead? The US and Canadian governments also thought he was dead and couldn’t find his body even though he accomplished his mission? They couldn’t survey the area in a chopper or something? I’m confused. And didn’t they check his vitals when they found his body and brought it back to his family?
This movie has a moral?! In another 40s flashback, the girlfriend is telling Calvin about one of her student’s stories about kids playing war and when one kid got injured all the kids went to help except one kid who ignored the time-out and just finished the job of “killing” all the bad guys in the game. Not sure what the moral is actually. That kid sounds like a real winner in my eyes.

So as they’re walking and lamenting that this could be the last time they see each other since he’s shipping off to Europe the next day, he pretends to tie his shoe and decides to try to propose again. He says “I’m right behind you.” on his knee and the ring in his hands, she replies without turning around, “Catch up quick.”
Back in modern times, Calvin goes to his “grave” to retrieve his personal affects. Walking back home he realizes that the engagement ring he never gave his girlfriend was in his shoe. Did I miss something?
This is quite the sweeping & moving score going on right now. Is this a Spielberg flick now?

Final Thoughts: This was an odd one. I assumed with that title that it would be over-the-top or less serious but it was as sincere as they make ’em. It was sad actually with Calvin’s life not being all hunky-dory as he would’ve hoped for. Guess being the guy who secretly killed Hitler to save the world has unforeseen consequences to one’s mental health and love-life. But all that aside, was this entertaining? Sort of. Like I said, the title sounds like schlock but it’s really not. And then having more than 2/3rds of the running time spent NOT being about the killing of Hitler and the Bigfoot didn’t help either. So it’s a tough call if this worthy of your time. While I thought it was a well written and well-acted yarn (Sam Elliott is awesome as usual), I wouldn’t highly recommend it to casual folks. If you’re a huge Sam Elliott fan then yes, buy the Blu-Ray and listen to the commentaries all your heart desires. But beware that most of this movie is a sad and mopey, lonely Sam Elliott going about his daily business in-between assassinating monsters.