The Capture of Bigfoot (1979)

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Ski resort town has a small Yeti problem. Cops are trying to stop it. Some shady businessman wants to capture it to sell tickets. 

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Why does this video transfer look like an 80s porno?
• Is it supposed to be this purple and pink?
• John Denver? This intro song sounds just like a Denver song.
• MUSH! MUSH! I can think of about 15 other animals that would be better to pull a sled weighing over 500 lbs than a half-dozen dogs.
• The guy with the dog-sled has some sort of animal in a crate on the sled. The animal is moaning and I can’t for the life of me figure out what the creature is. Maybe a baby Bigfoot?
• One of the two idiots on the dog sled (yeah 6 dogs were pulling 2 grown overweight men, a large crate with some creature inside and all their camping equipment!) went to investigate a noise and immediately gets choked to death by a large hairy white arm and then transforms into a human dummy as it’s thrown into the snow.
• The Yeti (it’s all white and this scene is in a winterscape) then attacks the other fella partially obscured by the trees. Kinda a cool shot actually in slightly revealing the monster of the movie.
• George Buck Flower! Crazy drunk Sasquatch!
• I just realized that most of, if not all, of these Bigfoot movies I plan on watching will be set in the woods or wilderness which means I have essentially traded Jason Voorhees for Sasquatch. Crap.
• Are those salt and pepper grinders?! They’re ridiculously enormous. They are half the size of baseball bats! I wouldn’t be surprised if the hero of the film beats the Yeti to death with one of them now.

• Or maybe they stole those grinders from the Yeti!
• When the sheriff asks the lone survivor of the Yeti attack what attacks him, Hank, says a critter. Yes, a 8-foot tall 700 lb “critter.”
• That’s the worst Humphrey Bogart impression I ever heard.
• So this deputy, Garrett, is being summoned by the sheriff to attend to the sight of the attack and Garrett says it’s Sunday and it’s his day off. However, we saw him a few minutes ago in uniform come into his girlfiend’s house with the ginormous pepper grinders. He must’ve had the graveyard shift in this quiet Northwest town.
• “It’s Sunday, it’s my day off.”
  “Well push yourself, it’s important.”
  “10-4.” Turns to his GF who was sitting next to him this whole time, “Must be important.”
• Yeah, must be important.
• Crom Dammit! “Lloyd Kaufman considers this film to be one of the five worst movies in the Troma library.” How bad does a movie, a Troma movie no less, have to be when Lloyd Kaufman thinks it’s a piece of shit.
• More Bogart impersonations?
• Are you telling me that the police department isn’t sure that the attack on those two fellas was man-made or wild animal? He was mauled for chrissakes!
• Good detective work Garrett, yes bears hibernate in the winter, so definitely rule them all out.
• Did that old wino just roofie Buck Flower’s beer? I’m pretty sure Buck doesn’t need much convincing.
• Nope it was just something to make the beer taste terrible. But he was already drinking a Budweiser!
• The Yeti attacks another hapless fella’s camp but the dude ran for his life. Okie doke. Moving on.
• I don’t think I ever saw a movie that had George Buck Flowers in such a major role. It’s feasible that this turd of a film killed his career.

• Mr. Olsen (not sure what his role is here in town) is offering two other fellas the same job he gave the first two victims from the intro scene. “Their stupidity could turn out to be your gain” he says. Compassionate guy.
• Mr. Olsen kinda reminds me of Jack Elam and now I wish it was Jack Elam. A Schlock masterpiece about a Yeti starring both Jack Elam AND George Buck Flower would be awesome.
• Arak? Is that the supposed name of the mythical Yeti beast that roams in the wilderness?
• The girlfriend’s expository legend about Arak is riveting! As in I want to puncture my skull with a rivet.
• One of the 2 young boys we’ve been seeing sporadically in this movie stumbles across the young Yeti and they both smile at each other. Love at first frost bite?
• The boy is scared off by Papa Yeti though. Shame.
• Jesus H. Christ. The two new “hunters” that Mr. Olsen hired stumbled across the Yeti tracks. The one fella thinks they’re human at first and finds it funny that whoever left the prints was barefoot. It then dawns on him a few second s later that maybe these enormous footprints in the snow isn’t human.
• And the other guy thinks it’s all a prank to scare them.
• The first guy then spots something off screen and says it’s not as big as they were told but still he charges forward to get a clear shot and shoots the young Yeti right in the chest! Down goes baby Yeti.
• Right behind baby Yeti is Papa Yeti and he’s fucking pissed!

• These two doofuses can’t even manage to drive snow mobiles!
• Garrett and the sheriff are discussing the case and Garrett mentions something about Wells (I’m assuming he was the other fella in the first scene killed by the yeti) and the sheriff tells him that Wells died and Garrett just lets out a rather casual sigh. Then he continues about the tracks he found.
• Garrett just scolded the sheriff about not taking the Yeti warnings seriously in the best Hooper/Brody way possible.
• The sheriff then does what I can only assume is another terrible Bogart impersonation as Garrett walks away.
• The two hunters go into Olsen’s office and immediately Olsen punches the one guy so hard he flies out the window breaking the glass! But he’s OK, he gets up and goes back inside.
• I’m not sure why Olsen is so angry with them other than the fact that they left the wounded Yeti behind. But how did Olsen even know they encountered the beast?!
• LIVE BAIT! Mwahahahahahaha!

• Wait, who’s this old feller? I know I should’ve have split my viewing by a few days.
• Trapper Jake?! Should’ve been Dan Haggerty.
• This ski resort and its skiers and their shenanigans are totally making me wish I liked skiing.
• So just to back up a bit, so this town and adjacent ski resort never really had a Arak/Yeti sighting in a very long time but now all of a sudden it and its offspring are running amok. Pretty fishy if you ask me.
• 
Now a John Wayne impersonation? Why did they hire this actor who can’t do famous people impersonations if it called for it in the script?
• So Olsen thinks that Arak will bring in revenue for the town. Apparently Olsen never watched King Kong all the way to the end.
• Now we’re talking! Live groovy music, hot dancing girls, raging Yeti being a peeping tom.
• How many quaaludes were used in the making of this scene?
• There’s one really hot chick in a tight red bodysuit dancing all alone. Watching her could give anyone a big foot. Knowwhatimean?!

• Finally! The local Native American is here to help!
• Two young lovers left that groovy party and are now slowly cross-country skiing into Yeti territory. Why they were cross-country skiing through the woods late at night is anyone’s guess.
• How are people finding these Yeti attack victims in the middle of the snow covered woods so quickly?
• The locals are now finally planting a trap for the beast(s)!
• Then sheriff calls snow “white garbage” while he lives and works at a ski resort town. Talk about biting the mouth that feeds ya.
• I really don’t know what the point of that scene was.
• The Yeti garnering tourists to the town is working! The diner is packed!
• So there’s a vicious Yeti roaming around and mostly everyone knows it and these kids are still allowed to venture around the wilderness!
• Why is Ennio Morricone’s The Thing soundtrack playing?
• Olsen is so hell-bent on capturing that Yeti that he’s willing to kill the sheriff. Now that’s commitment!
• Well maybe not kill per se but tie him and Jake to a tree and leave them to die.
• I assumed Olsen tied them to the tree to act as bait but he left them and returned to the sight of the giant trap they set (just a large net above the trees)
• Olsen also tied up the dimwitted hunters he hired as well. Mr. Olsen has some trust issues me thinks.
• Wait, so Olsen also set up explosives around the camp/trap? This could’ve gone horribly wrong. I thought he wanted to capture the beast alive?
• HE GOT HIM!
• Olsen is asking the Yeti questions like “Who are you?” and “Where did you come from?”
• Hahaha. That loose-fitting twine was the only thing keeping the hunters to the tree. They could’ve wriggled out of that situation lickety-split!

• Sure, insult the Indian who came by to help you Jake.
• “The last of Arak’s tribe.” As The Indian gives Garrett a talisman to help rescue Arak. Seriously, what’s going on?
• Was that suppose to be a Columbo impersonation?
• Why is Jake meandering alone in the woods? Didn’t we just see him moments ago being rescued with Garrett by the Indian fella? I really don’t know why he’s alone now.
• Well anyway, he wandered onto the road and Olsen deliberately ran him over and killed him.
• Olsen brags to some locals in a tavern that he caught the beast and they can see it “when they play for it!” Then laughs maniacally and then buys the whole bar a round on him. What a card!
• The guy Olsen hired to guard the lair that is containing the Yeti was knocked out by Garrett who’s currently trying to rescue the beast (with a blowtorch to the steel jail—why a blowtorch is there is weird). The guard comes to, looks inside and sees Garrett and then immediately flees the lair to tell Olsen. He even had rifle that Garrett didn’t confiscate and could’ve easily shot Garrett in the act.
• Totally unnecessary car crash and explosion while trying to chase Olsen.
• Why isn’t the sheriff of this ski resort town wearing snow boots?! What a dope.
• I’m kinda befuddled as to how Olsen’s scheme and related crimes (murder especially) will work out for him in the end.
• Is this movie over? Not Yeti.

• Those young boys are still wandering around the wilderness!
• And now one is being kidnapped by the escaping Yeti!
• Olsen dies when the explosives in his lair catch fire. Oh well.
• The kid who was kidnapped wasn’t kidnapped but rescued by the Yeti and carried away from the lair. But then again the Yeti didn’t have to grab the boy and run away with him. The one boy ran away once he saw the beast and I’m sure the other boy would’ve too given the severity of the situation.
• Oh good the credits. Nice.

Final Thoughts: Troma’s worst movie eh? Not so sure about that. I’ve seen way worse Troma flicks. I’ve seen way worse Bigfoot flicks too as I’ll show you in the upcoming month. This was bad, don’t get me wrong but it had it’s schlocky charm and had plenty to poke fun at and get a chuckle or three. I will give some credit to the half-way decent Yeti costumes and make-up, compared to some of the costumes of the other flicks I’ve watched, this one was one of the better ones. While I wouldn’t highly recommend this masterpiece, I totally wouldn’t discourage any Sasquatch fans from wanting to give this one a shot.

Score: 5 Massive Salt & Pepper Grinders (out of 10)