BEN AFFLECK’S SOLO BATMAN MOVIE SCRIPT HAS BEEN REJECTED BY WARNER BROS. FOR MAKING TOO MUCH SENSE AND NOT BEING DEPRESSING ENOUGH, SO R.O.T.O.R. HAS BEEN BROUGHT ONBOARD AS THE NEW B.A.T.M.A.N. (BULLET ATTACK TERRIFYING MALICIOUS AUTOMATON NIHILIST) THAT KILLS EVEN MORE THAN THE BATMAN V SUPERMAN ONE DID AND LEVELS THE TWIN CITIES OF METROPOLIS AND GOTHAM TO A SMOKING CRATER DUE TO THE EXTREME NATURE OF B.A.T.M.A.N.’S STYLE OF TEXAS ROBOT JUSTICE AND THEN THE NEXT MOVIE WILL BE 5 HOURS LONG AND TRY TO EXPLAIN AWAY THE DESTRUCTION OF THE PREVIOUS FILM BUT IT DOES NOT MATTER BECAUSE B.A.T.M.A.N. HAS KILLED EVERYONE WHO DARE OBJECT.

THE OPENING SCENE OF THE BLADE RUNNER SEQUEL WILL INVOLVE REPLICANT DECKARD’S SKIN BEING STRIPPED OFF AND HIS METAL EXOSKELETON BEING THOROUGHLY CLEANED AND SPRAYED FOR A SILVERFISH INFESTATION. GUESS WHO HAS LANDED THE ROLE OF THE EXOSKELETON? THAT IS RIGHT! NATALIE PORTMAN!

PIXAR’S FINDING DORY HAS BEEN PUSHED BACK TO JANUARY 2017 DUE TO RESHOOTS NEEDED AFTER TEST AUDIENCES WERE APPALLED BY THE PLOTLINE THAT DORY HAS SWAM AWAY FROM HOME TO JOIN ISIS.

FILMING IS FINALLY UNDERWAY FOR GOONIES 2: CHUNK’S IN CHARGE AND IT HAS BEEN REVEALED THAT SLOTH’S ROLE HAS BEEN REDUCED TO A SMALL CAMEO, RECAST WITH ACTRESS COURTNEY LOVE TO SAVE MONEY ON MAKEUP.

DANIEL CRAIG HAS OFFICIALLY LEFT THE ROLE OF JAMES BOND AND WILL BE REPLACED BY HENRY CAVILL, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF SUPERMAN TO BE REPLACED BY HARRISON FORD, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF INDIANA JONES TO BE REPLACED BY ADAM DRIVER, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF KYLO REN TO BE REPLACED BY ROBERT DOWNY JR., WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF IRON MAN TO BE REPLACED BY CHRIS EVANS, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF CAPTAIN AMERICA TO BE REPLACED BY STEVE CARELL, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF GRU TO BE REPLACED BY HARRISON FORD, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF DECKARD TO BE REPLACED BY MIKE MYERS, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF AUSTIN POWERS TO BE REPLACED BY CHRIS PINE, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF CAPTAIN KIRK TO BE REPLACED BY PATRICK STEWART, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF PROFESSOR X TO BE REPLACED BY SAMUEL L. JACKSON, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF NICK FURY TO BE REPLACED BY RYAN REYNOLDS, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF DEADPOOL TO BE REPLACED BY RON PERLMAN, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLE OF HELLBOY TO BE REPLACED BY ZOE SALDANA, WHO WILL LEAVE THE ROLES OF GAMORA, UHURA, AND NEYTIRI TO BE REPLACED BY DANIEL CRAIG.

THIS WEEK’S TOP 8 BIRTHDAYS:

8. BRAD (51)
7. BLACKENSTEIN (43)
6. BLACULA (876)
5. BLACK CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (62)
4. TIM CURRY (92)
3. SHAKMA (26)
2. R.O.T.O.R. (OLDER THAN TIME)
1. BRIAN (14)

 TRAILERS OF THE WEEK: