Here we present to you a story of life, loss, and the human spirit by the brilliant Patton Oswalt. Mr. Oswalt paints a vivid backstory of Johnny Lawrence of the Cobra Kai, whom you may remember from a picture called The Karate Kid. Mr. Oswalt then takes us on a harrowing journey through Johnny’s many identity changes (from Johnny to Greg from Just One of the Guys to Chas from Back to School) and humiliating defeats at the hands of a series of olive-skinned shrimps. It’s all at once riveting and hysterical.

If you enjoy films and Mr. Oswalt’s brand of humor, he has a new book out called Silver Screen Fiend, available on Amazon here and bookstores that still exist. No, I do not work for Patton Oswalt.