Night of the Demons (1988)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: Sex-charged teens who like to party run afoul of an evil.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• This town is full of assholes.
• An old man decides he’s had enough of all these Halloween kids doing Halloween kid things so he’s going to put razor blades in apples to hand out. Flaw in his plan: 100% of those apples will be thrown at his house after he gives them to the trick or treaters.
• This is like the third movie we’ve seen where a brother scares his half-naked sister and comments that she has nice boobs. What the fuck.

• That’s Linnea Quigley, I’d recognized those bent over panties anywhere.

  

  Clean up on aisle me!
• There’s no real reason for these teens to have a party in this old mansion, but hey, let’s go with it.
• This party’s beat. Nobody seems to like each other and nobody’s paired off to bang yet.
• “Let’s have a past-life seance!” Uhh, no thanks, I’m just here to get drunk and get laid.
• “Eat a bowl of fuck!”
• You can contract the demon possession through bodily fluids. Just like Ebola.
• Oh, you don’t want to have sex in a former embalming room? Prude.
• I like this movie but it’s been 44 minutes and no real demon stuff yet.
• Why would a demon want to to a seductive dance? What is their end-game here?
• He slipped her the tongue! Literally! I mean, she bit his tongue off! For real! Guys!
• Quigley boobies! … Uhh, she just pushed a whole lipstick into her nipple…
• This guy Stooge just can’t figure out doors. Exactly like Shakma.
• These demons don’t try very hard. They mostly just stand and growl.
• Wow this girl Judy is a fucking idiot.
•  This movie really could have used an awesome punk soundtrack like Return of the Living Dead. We get that one Bauhaus song and that’s it. They couldn’t have gotten the rights to any Sisters of Mercy or Joy Division?

• These demons are the worst. They just seem very lazy. I guess they all went to Hell for the sin of sloth.

  

  Pictured: A sloth.

• This movie kind of rips off Evil Dead wholesale. But it’s still better than the Evil Dead remake. Then again, so is athlete’s foot.
• The black guy lives!
• Totally random ending. The old man who put the razor blades in the apples eats and apple pie maliciously made by his wife and it slices his throat from the inside out. How the fuck you wouldn’t know you were biting down on razor blades is anybody’s guess.

Is It Actually Scary: Depends on how you feel about your own nipples.

How Much Gore: A fair amount but not as much as I was expecting.

Best Scene: The ol’ lipstick in the nipple trick. Click here if you want to watch it. It is most definitely not safe for work or nipple.

Worst Scene: There’s no particular scene that really sticks out as the worst. There’s a lot of nonsense, like why the demon in Linnea Quigley would just sit alone in a room putting lipstick all over itself. But I’d have to say the worst thing about the movie is the acting by Cathy Podewell, who plays the female lead, Judy. If you took the most airheaded nimrod you could find, had her drink 10 Four Lokos, cracked her in the base of the skull with a sock full of C batteries, then yelled, “Action!” that person would look like Meryl Streep next to Cathy Podewell. She’s the Corey Feldman of acting.

Any Nudity: Besides the lipstick nipple, little boob here, little ass there.

Overall: A little disappointing. It feels like this movie should have been better than it was. If most of the characters weren’t annoying and stupid, if there was a little more backstory about the demons, and if the demons actually did something besides slowly wander around the house, then this could be a gem. But as it stands, it never reaches its potential. It’s not necessarily bad, it just could have been so much more entertaining. It’s basically a remake of Evil Dead sans a cool hero like Ash. Instead, our survivors are a pussy and birdbrain, two people you were never rooting for throughout the movie. Overall, I guess it’s worth a watch if you like this kind of thing. Great makeup.

Score: 6 tubes of lipstick in your nipple (out of 10)