Welcome to the opening round of the first-ever second Mirth Madness! All of your favorite funnymen, women and things are here together, along with many participants who will make you scratch your head at their inclusion! So buckle your funny belt and vote, VOTE, VOTE! (voting for this round ends September 5th with winners announced that very afternoon!) And don’t forget to vote for Group 1!

TODAY’S MATCH-UPS

Joanna Stayton (Overboard)	Joe Young (Orgazmo)
Quote: “I’m not a bitch. ANDREW. Are you going to bring me my lemon or do I have to squeeze it from my hat?”	Quote: “I’m not a superhero! I’m a Latter-Day Saint.”

Dewey Finn (School of Rock)	Frank “The Tank” Ricard (Old School)
Quote: “You don’t have to worry about me because I’m a hard-ass. And if a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head.”	Quote: “Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you’re supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don’t feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And, uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think, well, maybe they’re silk panties, maybe it’s a thong. Maybe it’s something really cool that I don’t even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling… what? What, I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?”

Buddy Love (The Nutty Professor)	Kenny “Pig Vomit” Rushton (Private Parts)
Quote: “What’s wrong with that breath? I can smell it over here! Reggie, your breath is so stinky, people look forward to your farts. Breath smells like shit! Do you smell shit? I smell shit!”	Quote: “You’re the anti-Christ. You know that, Stern? You are the mother-fucking anti-Christ!”

Leo Bloom (The Producers)	Leo Getz (Lethal Weapon Franchise)
Quote: “I’m wet! I’m hysterical and I’m wet! [gets slapped in the face] I’m in pain! I’m in pain, and I’m wet, and I’m still hysterical!”	Quote: “They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru! They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back, they don’t care. So who gets fucked? Ol’ Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don’t give a fuck! I’m not eating this tuna, okay?”

Jerry (Some Like It Hot)	Albert Goldman (The Birdcage)
Quote: “Will you look at that! Look how she moves! It’s like Jell-O on springs. Must have some sort of built-in motor or something. I tell you, it’s a whole different sex!”	Quote: “Whatever I am, he made me! I was adorable once, young and full of hope. And now look at me! I’m this short, fat, insecure, middle-aged THING! “

Trent Walker (Swingers)	Larry Wilson (Weekend At Bernie’s)
Quote: “I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.”	Quote: “‘A little brown-nosing, a little ass-kissing, work our way up that corporate ladder?’ WHY can’t you be a lazy shit like I am?.”

Jack Butler (Mr. Mom)	Buck Russell (Uncle Buck)
Quote: “I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they’re great… and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn’t enough. You’re out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you’re strung out on bedspreads Ken. That’s serious.”	Quote: “Fair enough. I like to carry it, you never know when you’re going to need it. A situation may come up say for example, someone has been drinking, and about to drive a loved one home… then I’d like to know I have it. Not to kill, no. Just to maim. Take a little off the shoulder. Swish! The elbow. Slash! Shave a little meat off the old kneecap. Fowap! Ooooo! You got both kneecaps? I like to keep mine razor sharp. Sharp enough you can shave with it. Why I’ve been known to circumcise a gnat. You’re not a gnat are you, Bug? Wait a minute, bug, gnat. Is there a little similarity? Whoa, I think there is! Ha ha ha. You understand what I’m talking about? I don’t think you do. I’ll be right back. Heh heh heh heh.”

Det. Frank Washington (Samurai Cop)	Det. Axel Foley (Beverly Hills Cop)
Quote: Samurai Cop: “Why did you go under [the fence]?” Frank: “Because I’m an undercover cop!”	Quote: “Before I go, I just want you two to know something, alright? The supercop story… was working. Okay? It was working, and you guys just messed it up. Okay? I’m trying to figure you guys out, but I haven’t yet. But it’s cool. You fuck up a perfectly good lie.”