Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

The Scene: Roaring rubber shark blood vomit. 

Why This Scene Is Horrible/Genius: As you will no doubt recall, for last year’s Schlocktoberfest I wrote the definitive review of Jaws: The Revenge, even getting sued by Lorraine Gary’s estate even though she is very much alive. If movies were food, Jaws: The Revenge would be mashed up cockroaches in a walrus diarrhea broth served in a hollowed-out rhinoceros testicle and available at Applebee’s. In that article I linked to the alternate ending of the film, where the shark is speared by the boat and blood gushes from its mouth, instead of exploding. This scene is truly appalling in its total ineptitude. The shark roars, stays vertical out of the water for an extended period of time, and looks like it’s made of dried-out Play-Doh. It’s just remarkably putrid and you must watch it. But the main reason I’ve decided to discuss it again is that one of the YouTube comments really got me thinking that maybe this movie is simply misunderstood:

“It makes perfect sense if you pretend this is the reincarnation of the shark from the 1st film returned from Hell.” 

Oh my god, yes! That would totally redeem the entire plot of a psychic shark that knows where the Brody family is at all times and is seeking revenge against them for their past transgressions against different sharks! It’s the demonic reincarnation of the original shark! That’s an amazing thought and brings a whole new perspective to this mess. To think that the original Bruce was killed by Chief Brody, went to Hell, and made a deal with Lucifer to be reincarnated with special powers and take revenge on the entire family. If they had only stated that and played it up in the movie, it would be a camp classic. And it would even make the roaring and the exploding and/or blood spewing make sense! So let’s just all pretend that’s the case, and view this film with newfound appreciation. “This time, it’s demonic.”

Revised score: 7 deals with the devil (out of 10)