THEY ARE DOING A LIVE-ACTION DUMBO REMAKE. SO FAR, 257 LARGE-EARED ELEPHANTS HAVE DIED AFTER BEING PUSHED OFF OF CLIFFS, BUT THE PRODUCTION CREW HAS EATEN LIKE KINGS.
THEY ARE ALSO REMAKING THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET WITH ZACH GALIFIANAKIS, BUT SOMETHING IS FISHY ABOUT IT…
MARK WAHLBERG MAY BE STARRING IN A MOVIE ADAPTATION OF THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN, IN WHICH A HUMAN DESPERATELY TRIES TO BECOME R.O.T.O.R. BUT ULTIMATELY FAILS BECAUSE THERE IS ONLY ONE R.O.T.O.R. AND R.O.T.O.R PULLED ALL OF THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN’S LIMBS OFF. FYI: R.O.T.O.R. COST $69.95.
DON CHEADLE AS MILES DAVIS, WHO LOOKS REMARKABLY LIKE MOS DEF’S CHARACTER IN THIS CHAPPELLE’S SHOW SKETCH: http://youtu.be/oDfcbaSGzwA
THE CAST OF THE ORIGINAL ALIEN HAS REUNITED TO VOICE THEIR CHARACTERS IN A NEW ALIEN GAME, IN WHICH THE CREW OF THE NOSTROMO ARE TERROIZED BY A MYSTERIOUS ROBOT POLICE OFFICER.
MICHAEL ROOKER AS YONDU THE SPACE RACIST IN GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.
THEY ARE NOT ONLY MAKING A PACIFIC RIM 2 BUT A PACIFIC RIM CARTOON THAT WILL BRIDGE THE MOVIES IN HOPES THAT ANYONE WILL CARE ABOUT THESE HORRIBLE CHARACTERS AND THEIR IDIOTIC GIANT ROBOT PROGRAM WHEN ALL THEY NEED IS A BUNCH OF LASER CANNONS.
BIRTHDAY OF THE WEEK:
JADEN SMITH (16)
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
Whaaaat? Why is R.O.T.O.R. even questioning if this column should continue?!
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I know, right? how emo is that?
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Totally. Very un-R.O.T.O.R. Maybe he’s going through a mid-life crisis?
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R.O.T.O.R.’s circuits are getting burned out.
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Well for $69.95, I guess you get what you paid for…
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Call a mechanic!!! Except tell him to wear Kevlar. Lots and lots of Kevlar…
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Happy birthday Jaden! Xoxoxox
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When will we be seeing more of Jaden’s ridiculous tweets?
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It’s almost time…
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Don Cheadle lookin’ like Billy Badass.
Ah, young Jaden, on the cusp of young adulthood. Oh god how I can’t wait to see how you mishandle thee. . .
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