Dear Larry,

Hmmm. I do see your point. In most modern versions of werewolves they are murderous, rampaging wild beasts that kill anyone they see during the few nights of a full moon. However, wolves are misconstrued as “blood-thirsty” killer animals as you put it. In actuality, wolves are even tamer and friendlier than the common domesticated canine. It’s true! Much like sharks are erroneously regarded as blood-thirsty for humans, the poor wolf is also prone to prejudicious and bigotry. For example, Rome was founded by abandoned twins who were nursed by a wolf. And some of you might be familiar with Mowgli from The Jungle Book was raised by a wolf pack. It wasn’t until some idiot European campers in the middle ages found a way to receive fellatio from wolves in the wild by covering their penises with jam did the fear of wolves come to be. Those campers went too far and had their penises bitten off by those poor abused and violated wolves and to cover up their perverse misdeeds made the wolves to be “blood-thirsty” and the charecteristic stuck all these years. Around the same time, folklore and myths started to arise about wolves, like werewolves and Little Red Riding Hood to stop people from fornicating with the wolves and to basically stay away from them altogether.

But I do understand your frustration about Teen Wolf and why it deviates from the more common werewolf incarnation of the myth. Scott Howard is a mild-mannered, sweet suburban kid who “goes through some changes” as we might say. Hair just doesn’t grow down there for poor Scotty who learns that his family history is werewolvian. The whole film is a metaphor for puberty, teen angst and bestiality since all the girls in his school want a piece of wolf meat, one even going all the way with a werewolf in wolf form. [gross] But instead of ripping apart his friends’ guts and eating their flesh, Scott just becomes a better basketball player and gains popularity. I can imagine if werewolves were actually real, that’s what would happen—natural physical enhancement in all arenas of life. Whether it’s basketball, riding on top of a van, getting better grades in school, dancing, acting or opening up a beer can!

I do want to mention that in one scene of the film, Scott’s main rival, Mick taunts Scott by saying that Scott’s mother’s used to steal chickens in Mick’s backyard and Mick blew her head off with a shotgun! While this is a great barb by Mick, it does seem unlikely. One, who has chickens in their backyard in the suburbs? Two, wouldn’t Mick be charged with murder? Three how old was Mick when he killed Scott’s mother? Wouldn’t he be a bit too young to handle a shotgun? Four, we never really know how Scott’s mom died but wouldn’t teenage Scott have to know that his mom was killed by someone? And five, wouldn’t the fact that a huge anthropomorphic wolf killed by someone make national news? I think Mick is bluffing but then why would Scott get angry at Mick for saying something so off-the-wall? Maybe it was true and that female werewolves are more aggressive in nature and harder to maintain control of their primal instincts. That would explain why she was wandering off stealing chickens. I’ll have to conduct further research into this matter but I hope this sheds some (moon)light on your question.

Your picture pal,
Professor Popcorn

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