Aladdin (1992)

Synopsis: Aladdin is a filthy street rat who falls for Princess Jasmine, a 15-year-old girl who is the desire of disgusting older men everywhere. With the help of a genie, Aladdin pretends to be a prince.

Would you be able to sit through it?: Sure, but most of the time you’ll wonder if you’ve made a mistake letting your kid watch it because of the weirdly large amount of barbaric violence.

Any scary/violent parts?: Uh, yeah. Every five minutes someone almost gets something chopped off. Snake-form Jafar is one scary motor scooter.

Anything that will screw up your kid’s head?: Your daughter will want to get married once she hits 15. If you don’t let her, she’ll try to chop off your hands. Also, tigers don’t really make good pets, but your child will insist on one. They may also try to fly off the roof with a rug in their hands.

Any lessons to be learned?: Always be yourself because liars are cryers. Be thankful for what you have. Treat your friends well. Be careful what you wish for. Parrots can’t be trusted. Rub all lamps you find.

Recommended age: 7 or 8. So many threats of things being chopped off…

Rent it, buy it or avoid it?: Buy. This is a Disney classic that pretty much everyone has seen. It’s a great adventure story that’s animated beautifully, and even uses some CG in a few spots (the tiger’s head cave entrance and Aladdin escaping from the cave, which looks pretty awful today). Robin Williams is perfect as the Genie and really steals the picture. You kind of wish he was in it more. Aladdin and Jasmine’s blossoming love is nice I suppose, but it’s so weird that Jasmine is only 15. Jafar is a pretty sweet villain, and I’m surprised he didn’t do better in Villain Madness, but our readers are fickle. So I’d recommend this as one of the more fun, action-filled entries in Disney’s stable. But as a dad, I was a little horrified about how much violence is implied. Goons are actively trying to butcher Aladdin through most of the first half, a merchant nearly slices Jasmine’s hands off for stealing, and the losing of limbs is implied in other dialogue, plus Aladdin is supposed to be beheaded, and Jafar tells Jasmine that Aladdin is dead. And oh the Cave of Wonders eats a guy alive. Just a lot of heavy death and violence for littler kids. And the ending is pretty intense, especially when Kareem Abdul-Jafar takes on his snake form and Jasmine almost drowns in hourglass sand (shortly after Aladdin almost drowns in water). But at least kids will be distracted by how cute Abu and the magic carpet are.

Score: 7.75 hands chopped off (out of 10)

My Daughter’s Review: [Asks me how Jasmine got stuck in an hourglass over and over.]