UNCLE PHIL IS DEAD. R.O.T.O.R. NOT RESPONSIBLE.

ALTHOUGH THE ENTIRE FRANCHISE STEALS FROM R.O.T.O.R. PRETTY LIBERALLY, IRON MAN 3 WAS THE HIGHEST-GROSSING MOVIE OF 2013 BY FAR. NEXT YEAR’S CHAMPION? R.O.T.O.R. VS. SHAKMA.

DISNEY’S BIG ANIMATED MOVIE NEXT YEAR WILL BE BIG HERO 6, DESCRIBED AS “THE ACTION COMEDY ADVENTURE FOLLOWS ROBOTICS PRODIGY HIRO HAMADA, WHO MUST SAVE THE CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO FROM A CRIMINAL PLOT WITH THE HELP OF A ROBOT, BAYMAX.” R.O.T.O.R. HAS CONTACTED R.O.T.O.R.’S LAWYER, IRVING SPIDERMAN.

MEANWHILE, INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2 AND THE PURGE PROVIDED THE BEST RETURN ON INVESTMENT IN 2013. IT IS KIND OF LIKE HOW R.O.T.O.R. COST $3 BILLION TO CREATE, BUT R.O.T.O.R. HAS PERFORMED EXECUTIONS WORTH QUADRUPLE THAT.

HERE IS THE FIRST OFFICIAL PICTURE OF THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, WHO TEAM UP TO TAKE ON R.O.T.O.R. AND DIE MISERABLY.

 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO JUST CANNOT SCRAPE TOGETHER THAT EXTRA DOLLAR EACH MONTH AND STILL HAVE A TUBE TV (BUT A STREAMING DEVICE), NETFLIX HAS A CRAPPY DEAL FOR YOU.

KEVIN SMITH WILL ONLY BE MAKING “KEVIN SMITH” MOVIES FROM NOW ON. BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE COULD EVER MAKE SOMETHING AS AMAZING AND UNIQUE AS MALLRATS. AND TUSK LOOKS EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD, AND HIS OTHER IDEA PRESENTED IN THAT ARTICLE, HELENA HANDBAG, SOUNDS PHENOMENAL. THEY SHOULD ALL MAKE MORE MONEY THAN ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN… AND DOES R.O.T.O.R. SMELL OSCAR BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ[SARCASM CHIP OVERLOAD]