A VIDEO OF TEST FOOTAGE FROM JURASSIC WORLD LEAKED ONLINE YESTERDAY, BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT IT IS OLD FOOTAGE FROM AN UNMADE VIDEO GAME OF THE SAME NAME. R.O.T.O.R. ONCE LEAKED A VIDEO OF R.O.T.O.R. TEARING A MAN’S FLESH APART WITH FISH HOOKS AFTER HE RAN A RED LIGHT, BUT NO ONE BELIEVED IT, UNTIL R.O.T.O.R. RE-ENACTED IT LIVE ON STAGE AT RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL WITH ACTOR GAVIN MACLEOD. THEY LATER STOLE R.O.T.O.R.’S METHOD IN HELLRAISER. R.O.T.O.R. SENTENCED THEM TO THE DEATH OF CONTINUING TO MAKE HELLRAISER MOVIES.

J.K. ROWLING IS WRITING SCREENPLAYS FOR NEW WITCHCRAFT FILMS. R.O.T.O.R. ONCE EXECUTED A COVEN OF WITCHES FOR MISCHIEF, BUT BEFORE THEY DIED THEY CAST A SPELL ON R.O.T.O.R. AND TO THIS DAY R.O.T.O.R. CANNOT GROW A PROPER BEARD.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY TURNED DOWN $15 MILLION TO STAR IN A MAGNUM PI MOVIE, FOR WHICH R.O.T.O.R. IS READILY AVAILABLE.

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[BEGIN PROUD FATHER NEWS]

T.H.O.M.A.S. TOOK HIS FIRST STEPS!