OR.O.T.O.R. HAS TALLIED YOUR VOTES TO NAME R.O.T.O.R.’S SON, AND THE WINNING NAME IS: T.H.O.M.A.S. (TRAINED HUMAN-OBLITERATING MACHINE ATTACK SYSTEM)!CONGRATULATIONS TO THOMAS OSTROSKI. HE WINS THE PRIVILEGE TO JAYWALK ONCE WITHOUT BEING SET ON FIRE.

JAMES SPADER, WHO HAS BECOME TO ACTING WHAT JOCK ITCH HAS BECOME TO PLEASANTNESS, HAS BEEN CAST AS ULTRON IN THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON. THIS WILL MAKE THE GUY WHO PLAYED R.O.T.O.R. IN THE R.O.T.O.R. MOVIE LOOK LIKE SIR LAURENCE OLIVIER PLAYING C3PO.

THE JAMES BROWN BIOPIC GET ON UP WILL BE RELEASED NEXT OCTOBER STARRING THE GUY WHO PLAYED JACKIE ROBINSON IN 42. R.O.T.O.R. USED TO BUST JAMES BROWN EVERY OTHER DAY IN THE ’80S, BUT HE WOULD ALWAYS MESMERIZE R.O.T.O.R. WITH HIS HYPNOTIC DANCE MOVES AND GET AWAY. BUT R.O.T.O.R. FINALLY GOT HIM IN THE END.

R.O.T.O.R. HAS GOTTEN SOME EARLY REPORTS VIA R.O.T.O.R.’S SENSORY RECALL THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE ONE DIRECTION MOVIE YET. YOU HAVE TWO (2) DAYS TO COMPLY, OR THE EXCRUCIATING MANNER OF YOUR EXECUTION WILL BE DISMISSED IN THE HISTORY BOOKS AS TOO FAR-FETCHED TO BE BELIEVED.

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

R.O.T.O.R. FINDS THIS HILARIOUS. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, HUMANS…