Don’t Answer The Phone (1980)

Trailer:

*spoilers throughout*

What’s It About: Vietnam veteran yet highly skilled photographer, Kirk Smith is the deeply deranged killer in this slasher romp. Simple premise really as he stalks his prey by listening in on a radio-talk show hosted by a female shrink named Dr. Gale. Occasionally he calls in with an alias to tease the doctor. But he’s essentially using the show to hunt down weak and mentally unstable girls who are patients of Dr. Gale. His M.O. is using pantyhose as a mask but also as a way of straggling his victims, usually using the hose from the previous victim to tie his killing spree together. He also lures some naive girls by his skills as a photographer and even sells the erotic pictures to a porn magazine for extra cash. In the wake of these killings, two detectives are on the case, one, Detective McCabe, eventually falling in love with Dr. Gale. At one point Kirk kills a hooker while she is on the air with Dr. Gale and beats up her pimp. Because of this event, the detectives inch closer to finding Smith tracking down the pimp in a seedy brothel. Smith then kills a model in her home and also ends up killing her roommate as well. He rushes out of the house when a neighbor comes a-knocking on the door, leaving behind his photography portfolio at the scene. This fatal error leads the detectives to the porn magazine editor, played by Porky himself, Chuck Mitchell, who gives them Smith’s address. They break into the apartment and find nothing that alludes to this being a killer’s nor photographer’s residence. A sheepish accountant walks in and is immediately accosted by the detectives who then tells them that the photographer lives a few doors down. Now, at the right house they find plenty of evidence but no Smith. Well, he’s at Dr. Gale’s house attempting to kill her when McCabe comes to the rescue, killing Smith in a very long and leisurely  slow-motion shot.

Is It actually Scary: Smith is easily one of the most disturbing psychopaths in my recent memory in film. Just plain sick-in-the-head and not a care in the world. He kills, rapes, tortures, drinks beer while spouting out racist remarks, shoots smack, beats up pimps and is a pornographic photographer; and that’s just a Thursday night! I’m pretty sure he has all the vices covered. So I’d say he’s to be a tad feared yeah.

Scariest Moment: Can’t really think of one scary moment save for the very beginning Smith is “prepping” for his night out on the hunt and he puts pantyhose around his neck while naked with a huge crucifix next to him. It almost looks like he’s praying to something, breathing heavily. This is the first shot of the movie. The very first shot. You have been warned.

How Much Gore: Surprisingly very little. He only strangles the girls so no blood there. The only blood is from him being shot and killed in the finale.

Dumbest Moment: Not too many what I would call dumb moments but there’s one scene where we just see Smith sobbing and whimpering like a baby for about a minute for no real reason. The scene comes right after a scene with the cops finding one of his victims but the last things they talk about are how inept McCabe and his partner are; nothing about Smith and then a scene of Smith bawling and sniveling. Kinda odd and out of place.

Best Line: Pimp to a hooker snorting coke off his head: “Hey! Do you want to live to be able to F@¢k again?” which she replies with a “meh” and shoulder shrug.

Any Nudity: You can’t have a misogynist rapist killer slasher flick without some T&A. So, um yes.

Overall: I actually felt a bit dirty after watching this film. It was basically pornographic in nature and even I had to put this film into perspective mid-way through. Not too many films give me that kind of feeling but I did feel a tad guilty liking this film and laughing at the inappropriate stuff. Smith is one sick puppy and looks like a sick puppy which gives this film some heft. The idiot cops with the terrible sense of humor and police decorum were downright hysterical and cheesy. This film is also completely misogynistic and anti-psychology in the way that Dr. Gale is treated and portrayed. Smith openly mocks her practice by prank calling her on the air and also when he’s about to kill her. Hell, even McCabe is so flippant about her profession and even tells a police psychologist that his work is a bunch of nonsense. Its a very seedy and sleazy world that Don’t Answer the Phone depicts and sad to say its also a lot of fun.

I also have to comment on the title. Although it being a great horror movie title, like Don’t Go in the House, it just doesn’t entirely fit the film. With a title like Don’t Answer the Phone you would think the killer uses the phone almost as much as his weapons. Smith uses the phone but to no more of an ill effect than anyone else using the phone on a daily regular basis. If I were to title a film Don’t Answer the Phone, I would make the killer call the victim shortly before he comes and kills him/her or make the killer a telephone operator or something like that. The warning of “Don’t” in this film doesn’t matter at all to Smith or pertain to his M.O. It’s just a flashy title to lure audience members and that’s all it is.