Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 4-30-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

R.O.T.O.R. IS ON EDGE TODAY HUMANOIDS!! I HAD A “DATE” LAST NIGHT, HER NAME’S V.I.C.I., AND WE HAD A NICE DINNER, SHARED SOME LAUGHS, TOLD AWKWARD ANDROID STORIES, HAD A FEW DRINKS…IT WAS ALL GOING GREAT BUT WHEN I TOOK HER BACK TO MY PLACE ALL SHE WANTED TO DO WAS PLAY THAT FRIKKIN’ ATARI E.T. GAME! SUFFICE TO SAY, R.O.T.O.R. HAS BLUE GEARS THIS MORNING.

TO FURTHER DAMPEN MY MISERABLE ANDROID-ENFORCEMENT EXISTENCE, THE MAIN CAST OF THE SOON-TO-BE-DISAPPOINTING STAR WARS SEQUEL WAS ANNOUNCED AND FRANKLY, R.O.T.O.R. IS LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THE FAN BOYS AND GIRLS WHINE ABOUT IT BEFORE I CRUSH THEIR FEEBLE SKULLS.

WARNER BROS. IS WORKING ON NINE OTHER DC COMICS PROPERTIES TO BE FEATURE FILMS. TO BE HONEST, BESIDES JUSTICE LEAGUE CHARACTERS AND LOBO, R.O.T.O.R. CANNOT EVEN NAME NINE OTHER DC COMICS SUPERHEROES. R.O.T.O.R. JUST REMEMBERED PLASTIC MAN ACTUALLY.

SPEAKING OF SUPERHEROES, ACTOR JOSH HARTNETT REVEALED THAT HE TURNED DOWN VARIOUS SUPERHERO ROLES THAT HE WAS OFFERED, LIKE SUPERMAN, BATMAN AND SPIDER-MAN BECAUSE HE “SOMEHOW KNEW THOSE ROLES HAD POTENTIAL TO DEFINE ME, AND I DIDN’T WANT THAT.” SO I GUESS HE WOULD RATHER BE MAKING MEDIOCRE FILMS LIKE AUGUST, I COME WITH THE RAIN AND STUCK BETWEEN STATIONS; ALL HITS AND ADORED BY AUDIENCES EVERYWHERE!

 MOVIE GUY JEFFREY KATZENBERG PREDICTS THAT IN THE NEAR FUTURE ALL MOVIES WILL HAVE 17 DAYS IN THEATRES TO MAKE MONEY AT THE BOX OFFICE. THEN THEY WILL BE RELEASED EVERYWHERE FOR DIFFERENT PRICES. KATZENBERG CAME UP WITH THIS NUMBER BECAUSE THAT’S HOW LONG MOST OF HIS DREAMWORKS MOVIES LASTED IN THE THEATRES. IF IT WERE UP TO R.O.T.O.R., ALL MOVIE THEATRES WOULD BE RAZED IMMEDIATELY AS THEY ATTRACT DELINQUENTS AND OTHER DEVIANTS.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: ACTOR BURT YOUNG HAS NOT THROWN IN THE TOWEL YET AT 74! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAULIE!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY'S REMIX: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAULIE]


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