Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 4-29-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

R.O.T.O.R. APOLOGIZES FOR THE LATE NEWS POST BUT HE WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT PLAYING THE ATARI E.T. GAME WITH JOHNNY 5.

THERE’S A ODD LOOKING BLACK AND WHITE MOVIE ABOUT FOUR BRITISH MUSICIANS THAT CAME OUT 50 YEARS AGO AND IS BEING RE-RELEASED IN THEATRES. R.O.T.O.R. LOOKS FORWARD TO PROSECUTING EVERY LAST ONE OF THOSE SCREAMING ADORING FANS CHASING THOSE MUSICIANS AND DISTURBING THE PEACE. R.O.T.O.R. WILL TEAR-GAS THEM AND PULVERIZE THEIR SKULLS.

THE FUNNIEST MAN ON EARTH, WILL FERRELL WILL STAR IN SOME KIND OF FISH-OUT-OF-WATER COMEDY ABOUT AN AMERICAN IN BRITAIN. R.O.T.O.R. WAS IN ENGLAND ONCE AND WAS ODDLY CONFUSED BY THE DIFFERENT LANGUAGE AND CULTURE.  R.O.T.O.R. EXPECTED POTATO CHIPS WITH HIS FISH, NOT FRENCH FRIES! THERE WERE NO LIONS OR ACROBATS IN PICCADILLY CIRCUS! THE BEEFEATER GUARDS HAD NO BEEF!

AGAINST BETTER JUDGMENT, THE “AUTHORITIES” ARE RELEASING DIRECTOR JOHN MCTIERNAN FROM HIS 12-MONTH PRISON SENTENCE SOON. YOU MAY HAVE ESCAPED ME ONCE MCTIERNAN BUT YOU WILL ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES! ANYWAY WHILE HE WAS INCARERATED HE WROTE A SCREENPLAY SEQUEL FOR THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR. THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR? NOT DIE HARD OR PREDATOR OR ANYTHING ELSE WITH INTEREST TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC PERHAPS? YOU HAVE ALL THAT TIME TO WRITE A GREAT ACTION/ADVENTURE FLICK AND INSTEAD YOU WRITE A SECOND-RATE CRIME MOVIE THAT IS A SEQUEL TO A MEAGER REBOOT TO A CLASSIC FILM. YOU WILL ALSO ANSWER FOR THIS CRIME MCTIERNAN!

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: INSANE METHOD ACTOR DANIEL DAY-LEWIS IS 57 TODAY AND IS STILL DRESSED LIKE ABE LINCOLN AND DRINKING PEOPLES’ MILKSHAKES! UMA THURMAN IS STILL WIGGLING THAT 44-YEAR-OLD BIG TOE!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: GODZILLA—ASIAN TRAILER]


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7 thoughts on “Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 4-29-2014

  1. Damn that Asian trailer is freaking fantastic. It officially confirms that I cannot wait for this damn movie to come out. I think I am more inclined to hug Godzilla now more than cower in fear from him. He seems like a pretty chill dude who’s gonna kick the living shit out of something worse

    Like

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